Haven't written here for a while because well... I just haven't felt like writing really and in a way I feel like this blog has become a bit of a "pretend" blog since I know that people who know me and who I know read it and as in everything that I do in my life I have to keep up an appearance.
I know that sounds a bit sad but what can I say, it's the world we live in. I can't share everything that goes on in my life with almost anyone - you need to get extremely close for me to start sharing (yeah I know, I rant about very personal stuff here, but it goes even deeper). I think diaries are private for a reason - in there you can write your deepest thoughts and I think me amongst many people have misunderstood what a blog really is.
So... I think I am going to leave this blog until I have something worthwhile to write here.... like about trips I am going to make etc. (Next one is to New York for Christmas by the way...).
Meanwhile, have a happy autumn everyone and you all know where to find me to get an update how I am doing :)
Monday, September 22, 2008
Wednesday, September 03, 2008
This was actually written already on the 29th of August... Just forgot to post it.
Ok, so I started a new job, I moved to a new flat, I broke up with Chris and basically I feel that I am going through another transition again. How many times can you turn from a caterpillar to a butterfly???
Well, I have been in a roller coaster of emotions once again and sometimes it just gets a bit too overwhelming but I think this is all for the better.
My old job was very easy but stressful at the same time. I had lots of time in my hands that gave me time to do whatever I wanted really but at the same time, since I was pretty much my own boss I had to make sure that everything I was responsible of was taken care of, and many of these things were of very high importance.
I think the thing that drove me away from my job was the lack of organisation, the lack of support and the lack of people around me who showed appreciation to the things I was doing.
My old flat was infested with a horrible landlord/roommate that was slowly smoking me out of the house… can you believe that on several occasion I had to go pee in the garden because the guy was staying in the bathroom for so long.
And well Chris and me… we had been fighting a lot and then hardly speaking for 2 weeks.
*Sigh*
Anyway – time to start a new movie, I think the last one was a bit too emo, lets make the next one a comedy or at least an action packed Sylvester Stallone rip-off.
Ok, so I started a new job, I moved to a new flat, I broke up with Chris and basically I feel that I am going through another transition again. How many times can you turn from a caterpillar to a butterfly???
Well, I have been in a roller coaster of emotions once again and sometimes it just gets a bit too overwhelming but I think this is all for the better.
My old job was very easy but stressful at the same time. I had lots of time in my hands that gave me time to do whatever I wanted really but at the same time, since I was pretty much my own boss I had to make sure that everything I was responsible of was taken care of, and many of these things were of very high importance.
I think the thing that drove me away from my job was the lack of organisation, the lack of support and the lack of people around me who showed appreciation to the things I was doing.
My old flat was infested with a horrible landlord/roommate that was slowly smoking me out of the house… can you believe that on several occasion I had to go pee in the garden because the guy was staying in the bathroom for so long.
And well Chris and me… we had been fighting a lot and then hardly speaking for 2 weeks.
*Sigh*
Anyway – time to start a new movie, I think the last one was a bit too emo, lets make the next one a comedy or at least an action packed Sylvester Stallone rip-off.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Flathunt
All right - a slight update.
So this is my last week at Morgan Stanley... On Friday I was out with one work mate of mine and almost missed the opportunity of my life for a really nice little flat that is quite a bargain for what it is.
I went to see it 1.5 hours late (ugh how embarrasing) and I was slightly tipsy as well by the time I got there. I was pretty sure that I didn't get it because it was nice, well located, cheap and included all the bills, so I wasn't the only person who went to see it.
I pulled all my charmga cards from my pocket (you know the usual: professional female in her late 20s, working for a big investment bank etc. etc.) and yet I still felt that the man wasn't too impressed when I left.
I called him on Saturday to make sure that he understood that I was very interested in it and STILL he said that he will wait until Monday to make a decision. Well, Monday came and I was getting very nervous. I went to see some other flats just in case but none of them were in my price range nor did I really like them much. I really wanted that studio flat because the moment I walked into that tiny living area I felt that I was home.
Well, I got home on Monday evening with no phone call from the landlord. I was getting a bit sad and knew that I shouldn't have killed the spider the previous night because it's bad luck... nor should I have though negatively before that I wasn't going to get it because negative thoughts usually magically happen when you dwell on them beforehand.
Around 8 in the evening I decided that I couldn't live with the pressure of not knowing and I called the landlord... AND HE TOLD ME THAT THEY WOULD OFFER THE PLACE FOR ME IF I WANTED IT.
I still have to come up with £500 TODAY to go pay the deposit but I will go sell my soul if I have to to get it sorted out, I want this place so bad and I am going to get it.
...
I can't wait for all this drama be over - I just want to return to some normality. I'm keeping quite positive though.
So this is my last week at Morgan Stanley... On Friday I was out with one work mate of mine and almost missed the opportunity of my life for a really nice little flat that is quite a bargain for what it is.
I went to see it 1.5 hours late (ugh how embarrasing) and I was slightly tipsy as well by the time I got there. I was pretty sure that I didn't get it because it was nice, well located, cheap and included all the bills, so I wasn't the only person who went to see it.
I pulled all my charmga cards from my pocket (you know the usual: professional female in her late 20s, working for a big investment bank etc. etc.) and yet I still felt that the man wasn't too impressed when I left.
I called him on Saturday to make sure that he understood that I was very interested in it and STILL he said that he will wait until Monday to make a decision. Well, Monday came and I was getting very nervous. I went to see some other flats just in case but none of them were in my price range nor did I really like them much. I really wanted that studio flat because the moment I walked into that tiny living area I felt that I was home.
Well, I got home on Monday evening with no phone call from the landlord. I was getting a bit sad and knew that I shouldn't have killed the spider the previous night because it's bad luck... nor should I have though negatively before that I wasn't going to get it because negative thoughts usually magically happen when you dwell on them beforehand.
Around 8 in the evening I decided that I couldn't live with the pressure of not knowing and I called the landlord... AND HE TOLD ME THAT THEY WOULD OFFER THE PLACE FOR ME IF I WANTED IT.
I still have to come up with £500 TODAY to go pay the deposit but I will go sell my soul if I have to to get it sorted out, I want this place so bad and I am going to get it.
...
I can't wait for all this drama be over - I just want to return to some normality. I'm keeping quite positive though.
Monday, August 11, 2008
Turbulence of life
Ok, so I left my notice at work today... Have to still stay for another two weeks here.
If I was nasty I left right away since Redstone never bothered to make a new contract for me when my probation period was over, but my boss hackled me to stay here for another 2 weeks so I can hand over all my work to other people.
I guess that's ok but I am really doing it just because I am a nice person, there is no law binding me to stay here because I never had a contract... I feel that this place has ripped me off enough as it is, maybe I should have just said that I will leave now.
Well, they were first saying that I should stay for the next 4 weeks but I said that it was a no go.
Ok, so why did I hand in my notice?
Well, before I went on my holiday I had a little discussion with one of the managers about my pay. I felt that I had been worked to the bone for the past few months and I really wanted to get a raise. Only response I got from them was that they were going to review it sometime in the future.
Well, I went for my holiday and when I got back I entered a complete chaos that had formed when I had been away. The first day I was back from my holiday I was feeling very stressed and felt like I needed another holiday. This all boiled down to me bursting into tears in our meeting room because of the sheer pressure that was on my shoulders.
At the same time I had been contacted by an agency who was asking me if I was available for an interview for a different job. I had nothing to lose and everything to gain at that moment so I went for it.
Naturally I got the job (hehe).
While all this was going I also had an "argument" with my roommate/landlord which boiled down to me having to find a new place. I guess this is all good because the new job is waaaaay outside of London and it would take me a very long time to travel there from where I live now, but I really didn't need any more drama at the moment.
So, I am looking for a place to live near Potters Bar, North of London - if anyone reading this has a studio or 1 bedroom flat to rent PLEASE contact me since I need a place to move to in the end of this month.
As you can imagine this circus that I call my life is making me very tired. I have no idea (again) where I will pull money to move again... I am still recovering from my previous chaos and mentally all the stuff that is going on is very draining. But I have to say that there are more positives now in the horizon than negatives.
The new job sounds really nice. My new title is "Junior Account Manager" - no more assistants or admins and no more admin pay either, I will now finally start earning enough money to actually go have a proper hair cut and maybe even go eat out once a month.... that is once I clear out of the ditch I once again will be.
But it's not just the money that is making me very happy about getting this job. There are apparently 30ish people working in the office from 20 different countries. This company has offices almost everywhere in the world and one part of the job is traveling to meet the clients and taking care of the relationships.
Also the fact that the place is out of London... and that I will be moving to live there as well (hopefully). I have been wanting to move out of London for so long just because the quality of life improves basically by every zone you go away from Leicester Square.
I am going to go now, I am feeling really tired and I really can't wait to get back home (well a place where I sleep for now) and lay my head on a pillow.
If I was nasty I left right away since Redstone never bothered to make a new contract for me when my probation period was over, but my boss hackled me to stay here for another 2 weeks so I can hand over all my work to other people.
I guess that's ok but I am really doing it just because I am a nice person, there is no law binding me to stay here because I never had a contract... I feel that this place has ripped me off enough as it is, maybe I should have just said that I will leave now.
Well, they were first saying that I should stay for the next 4 weeks but I said that it was a no go.
Ok, so why did I hand in my notice?
Well, before I went on my holiday I had a little discussion with one of the managers about my pay. I felt that I had been worked to the bone for the past few months and I really wanted to get a raise. Only response I got from them was that they were going to review it sometime in the future.
Well, I went for my holiday and when I got back I entered a complete chaos that had formed when I had been away. The first day I was back from my holiday I was feeling very stressed and felt like I needed another holiday. This all boiled down to me bursting into tears in our meeting room because of the sheer pressure that was on my shoulders.
At the same time I had been contacted by an agency who was asking me if I was available for an interview for a different job. I had nothing to lose and everything to gain at that moment so I went for it.
Naturally I got the job (hehe).
While all this was going I also had an "argument" with my roommate/landlord which boiled down to me having to find a new place. I guess this is all good because the new job is waaaaay outside of London and it would take me a very long time to travel there from where I live now, but I really didn't need any more drama at the moment.
So, I am looking for a place to live near Potters Bar, North of London - if anyone reading this has a studio or 1 bedroom flat to rent PLEASE contact me since I need a place to move to in the end of this month.
As you can imagine this circus that I call my life is making me very tired. I have no idea (again) where I will pull money to move again... I am still recovering from my previous chaos and mentally all the stuff that is going on is very draining. But I have to say that there are more positives now in the horizon than negatives.
The new job sounds really nice. My new title is "Junior Account Manager" - no more assistants or admins and no more admin pay either, I will now finally start earning enough money to actually go have a proper hair cut and maybe even go eat out once a month.... that is once I clear out of the ditch I once again will be.
But it's not just the money that is making me very happy about getting this job. There are apparently 30ish people working in the office from 20 different countries. This company has offices almost everywhere in the world and one part of the job is traveling to meet the clients and taking care of the relationships.
Also the fact that the place is out of London... and that I will be moving to live there as well (hopefully). I have been wanting to move out of London for so long just because the quality of life improves basically by every zone you go away from Leicester Square.
I am going to go now, I am feeling really tired and I really can't wait to get back home (well a place where I sleep for now) and lay my head on a pillow.
Thursday, August 07, 2008
AAAAAAAARGH
Ok, so I nearly broke up with my boyfriend on Tuesday... I got told to leave the house by the landlord on Wednesday and now Thursday I am writing a resignation letter to work. What is with this year?! All these very extreme things keep happening to me...
I am really tired of life and I am going to be losing my mind if these things keep happening to me...
I keep thinking that it is life's way of telling me that better days are coming and this is just a big lesson, but I think sometimes you just have a very shit luck.
Not 100% sure yet if I will quit my job but it is driving me crazy at the moment, I will keep you posted.
I am really tired of life and I am going to be losing my mind if these things keep happening to me...
I keep thinking that it is life's way of telling me that better days are coming and this is just a big lesson, but I think sometimes you just have a very shit luck.
Not 100% sure yet if I will quit my job but it is driving me crazy at the moment, I will keep you posted.
Wednesday, August 06, 2008
Manual
I have always thought that I am very low maintenance as a girl. I don't expect to get presents every day - or even ever to be honest, I genuinely get surprised every time someone gets something for me. I don't expect flowers (which of course would make my day). I don't expect cooked meals after a hard day at work or suprising little notes telling me I am special. I don't expect text messages every hour with sweet nothingness in them or silly email cards with a bunny spelling words "I love you" - I honestly don't expect any of those in a relationship. Naturally they are things that would be nice and would make me smile and forget about the little negative things that might cause an argument but they are not a neccesity for me in a relationship. I guess that's a way to show to the other person that you are thinking of them... but for me it is enough if the other person shows respect to me and makes me feel safe and happy.
I am one of those people who needs reassurance every day that everything is ok. A little thing could make my world rumble but if I have a strong individual besides me telling me to relax and not to worry I will be fine.
I need hugs and kisses in the morning, in the day and in the evening. I need to cuddle and hear sweet words and plans that might not ever even happen. That's all - that's the incredients for a healthy relationship with me...
I flame up easy, I have always been told that I am very temperamentic personality. Some would say it is good some would say that it is very annoying - I say that it's just who I am and you need to deal with it accordingly.
I get upset about the silliest things but 10 minutes later I can be laughing about something completely different and have completely forgotten what I was upset about. The worst thing at that point is to ignore me or stir it to make it worse.
If I don't get my daily affection I can turn nasty, insecure and bossy. I will start to pick on the smallest things because I am being taken for granted (or at least that is how it feels like since there is no way of knowing the other person thinks of you if they don't show it).
I think all this is pretty standard behaviour for a girl - what you think?
Anyway - that was just a little side note of my general feelings. I was in Finland for a week with my boyfriend Chris. Was great to see my family and some of my friends, breath clean air and swim in a lake that had crystal clear water. We barbequed like every single day and went to sauna - was highly relaxing compared to the sorry existense I have in London at the moment. My work is really stressing me out, eventhough this is the 2nd day back here and all I want to do is curl up in a ball and forget that I have any responsibilities.
I had a meeting with my boss today as well about my payrise and he was being really nice and understanding... which was horrible because my nerves are really shakey at the moment and anything could make me cry. I did manage to keep myself together though...
I just wish this week would be over already. I need a weekend to just sleep and spoil myself. I know I just got back from holiday and I should be all relaxed but things have been a bit "hard" emotionally lol... I need to have one of those "what's the meaning of life" conversations with myself again.
I am one of those people who needs reassurance every day that everything is ok. A little thing could make my world rumble but if I have a strong individual besides me telling me to relax and not to worry I will be fine.
I need hugs and kisses in the morning, in the day and in the evening. I need to cuddle and hear sweet words and plans that might not ever even happen. That's all - that's the incredients for a healthy relationship with me...
I flame up easy, I have always been told that I am very temperamentic personality. Some would say it is good some would say that it is very annoying - I say that it's just who I am and you need to deal with it accordingly.
I get upset about the silliest things but 10 minutes later I can be laughing about something completely different and have completely forgotten what I was upset about. The worst thing at that point is to ignore me or stir it to make it worse.
If I don't get my daily affection I can turn nasty, insecure and bossy. I will start to pick on the smallest things because I am being taken for granted (or at least that is how it feels like since there is no way of knowing the other person thinks of you if they don't show it).
I think all this is pretty standard behaviour for a girl - what you think?
Anyway - that was just a little side note of my general feelings. I was in Finland for a week with my boyfriend Chris. Was great to see my family and some of my friends, breath clean air and swim in a lake that had crystal clear water. We barbequed like every single day and went to sauna - was highly relaxing compared to the sorry existense I have in London at the moment. My work is really stressing me out, eventhough this is the 2nd day back here and all I want to do is curl up in a ball and forget that I have any responsibilities.
I had a meeting with my boss today as well about my payrise and he was being really nice and understanding... which was horrible because my nerves are really shakey at the moment and anything could make me cry. I did manage to keep myself together though...
I just wish this week would be over already. I need a weekend to just sleep and spoil myself. I know I just got back from holiday and I should be all relaxed but things have been a bit "hard" emotionally lol... I need to have one of those "what's the meaning of life" conversations with myself again.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Meh, I am not that miserable!
I have become so lazy at writing and well... the huge post I made the other day wasn't the most pleasant thing to read... I guess I just hit a low point and needed to vent a bit. I know I shouldn't whine and place blame on people who don't really deserve it - it's not good for the karma plus it just makes me bitter, and bitter that post was. I have had a shit luck, so what? I am sure it will change eventually plus I already have some really great things going for me at the moment, just need to be patient and remember to appreciate little things in life that keeps us all going.
The past few months have made me realize the importance of having people around you since I haven't had many. I had my sister visit me and some friends from Finland but besides that I have been living my life pretty much like a hermit because I haven't had money to go out and meet people. People at work have asked me to go out for drinks on several occasions but I have always turned them down because I can't go sit in a pub with nothing in front of me, it's not just awkward, it's also embarrasing. And calling people on the weekend and asking them out has been totally out of the picture. So pretty much all the human contacts that I have had in the past few months are only at work (I can't count my roommates because we don't really spend time together).
Well, I didn't want this to be a whiny post because that's not how I feel at all, I am feeling quite positive. I guess the point that I am trying to say here is that I miss my friends in Finland. I used to live a life where I saw my friends every single day no matter if I had money or not. I used to ride my bike to go visit my friends for a cup of coffee at their place and this cost absolutely nothing. London makes this impossible - London rips you off no matter what you do (I NEED TO GET OUT!).
But as I said before, I am feeling pretty positive today. There has been talk about me getting a payrise sometime soon and even if I was someone else looking at the situation from the outside I couldn't think of a better person to get a payrise - I am now keeping my fingers crossed that I will get it.
Only 3 days (including today) until my week long summer holiday starts. Chris is coming to my place on Friday and then on Sunday we fly to Finland. I am waiting for Friday like the rising moon - I haven't been able to spend time with him for 3 months now and it will be heaven to be able to hug him and drown him in kisses...
Me and a friend of mine are going to go see Madonna in September at Wembley stadium. I am really excited about it since her last show was really awesome! My friend, being a lucky bugger got us tickets to the Golden Circle as well (right in front of the stage) - will have to go there probably the previous day since the Golden Circle still is quite big area.
I can't wait!!!
Soo.... recap of everything - ALL IS FINE! I am pretty happy and if I get the payrise I will be partying!!!
W00t W00t!
The past few months have made me realize the importance of having people around you since I haven't had many. I had my sister visit me and some friends from Finland but besides that I have been living my life pretty much like a hermit because I haven't had money to go out and meet people. People at work have asked me to go out for drinks on several occasions but I have always turned them down because I can't go sit in a pub with nothing in front of me, it's not just awkward, it's also embarrasing. And calling people on the weekend and asking them out has been totally out of the picture. So pretty much all the human contacts that I have had in the past few months are only at work (I can't count my roommates because we don't really spend time together).
Well, I didn't want this to be a whiny post because that's not how I feel at all, I am feeling quite positive. I guess the point that I am trying to say here is that I miss my friends in Finland. I used to live a life where I saw my friends every single day no matter if I had money or not. I used to ride my bike to go visit my friends for a cup of coffee at their place and this cost absolutely nothing. London makes this impossible - London rips you off no matter what you do (I NEED TO GET OUT!).
But as I said before, I am feeling pretty positive today. There has been talk about me getting a payrise sometime soon and even if I was someone else looking at the situation from the outside I couldn't think of a better person to get a payrise - I am now keeping my fingers crossed that I will get it.
Only 3 days (including today) until my week long summer holiday starts. Chris is coming to my place on Friday and then on Sunday we fly to Finland. I am waiting for Friday like the rising moon - I haven't been able to spend time with him for 3 months now and it will be heaven to be able to hug him and drown him in kisses...
Me and a friend of mine are going to go see Madonna in September at Wembley stadium. I am really excited about it since her last show was really awesome! My friend, being a lucky bugger got us tickets to the Golden Circle as well (right in front of the stage) - will have to go there probably the previous day since the Golden Circle still is quite big area.
I can't wait!!!
Soo.... recap of everything - ALL IS FINE! I am pretty happy and if I get the payrise I will be partying!!!
W00t W00t!
Friday, July 18, 2008
Bathroom dilemma
Ok so last night I was going to bed cos it was getting late and I was getting very tired. Just like so many nights before I ran downstairs to quickly go brush my teeth and do whatever I needed to do before jumping in to my bed .... and just like so many nights before the bathroom was occupied by my roommate so I had to return to my room and start waiting. 30 minutes later he was still in the bathroom and I was getting really annoyed. This was not the 1st time I have been staying up until God knows how late because I have been waiting to get in to the bathroom.
Well... I decided to wash my make-up in the kitchen sink while I was waiting but since he STILL wasn't out from the bathroom I had to do the extreme and go pee in the garden (can you believe I pay £500 every month for this fun?!). I didn't get to brush my teeth (again) but at least I could go to sleep.
Well, this morning I got up at 6.45 - 45 minutes before I have to leave the house to go to the bus stop. I run downstairs to go pee and brush my teeth and wash my face but just like so many mornings before my roommate had taken over the bathroom. I prepare my lunch and he is still in the bathroom - I wash my face in the kitchen sink (again) so I can put on my make-up. I go check the bathroom door just before I am supposed to leave the house - he is still in the bathroom (If I didn't know any better I'd say he has died in there...). I have to leave to the bus stop without being able to brush my teeth (again) and once I get to work I have to run to the bathroom so I can go pee (I guess I could have gone to the garden again...).
What's the lesson in this story?
If you share a house don't fucking waste everyone's time by grooming yourself in the bathroom if you have only one bathroom in the house - it's the peak of selfisness. No one likes early mornings but YOU MAKE IT WORSE by not letting people go to sleep on time or go have that morning wee in peace. I would take max 5 minutes in the bathroom in the morning because I have a habit of having my shower in the previous day after work. I just want to brush my teeth and pee!!!!!!!
Well... I decided to wash my make-up in the kitchen sink while I was waiting but since he STILL wasn't out from the bathroom I had to do the extreme and go pee in the garden (can you believe I pay £500 every month for this fun?!). I didn't get to brush my teeth (again) but at least I could go to sleep.
Well, this morning I got up at 6.45 - 45 minutes before I have to leave the house to go to the bus stop. I run downstairs to go pee and brush my teeth and wash my face but just like so many mornings before my roommate had taken over the bathroom. I prepare my lunch and he is still in the bathroom - I wash my face in the kitchen sink (again) so I can put on my make-up. I go check the bathroom door just before I am supposed to leave the house - he is still in the bathroom (If I didn't know any better I'd say he has died in there...). I have to leave to the bus stop without being able to brush my teeth (again) and once I get to work I have to run to the bathroom so I can go pee (I guess I could have gone to the garden again...).
What's the lesson in this story?
If you share a house don't fucking waste everyone's time by grooming yourself in the bathroom if you have only one bathroom in the house - it's the peak of selfisness. No one likes early mornings but YOU MAKE IT WORSE by not letting people go to sleep on time or go have that morning wee in peace. I would take max 5 minutes in the bathroom in the morning because I have a habit of having my shower in the previous day after work. I just want to brush my teeth and pee!!!!!!!
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
My life is in recession...
Lately I have been feeling that life really has turned it's back on me and fate has forgotten my existense.
For the past year and a half... or maybe even more.. I have been going from one bad choice to the next. I am struggling through life and shit keeps coming on my way. Year 2008 has been nothing but easy - I think this year is a year that really tests whether I am ready to pass this course in life skills.
My problems started really when I decided to go to America. I didn't think all the aspects of "moving" to another side of the world... (hmm, sounds very familiar... I wonder if I have ever done that before....*pulls hair*). I was fooled to believe that everything was going to be fine and someone would share the burden of "life" with me - but that just taught me that you live and you die alone in this world - you can't trust anyone. I know that sounds very cynical and bitter, but that was the LAST time I let anyone use me so platantly as I was used when I was in America...
I was SO poor when I was in America that it is not funny. I had to use my credit card to the maximum limit and like I wrote before, all the stuff I bought when I was there is still there... I don't have any of the stuff that I am now paying for (yeah, even my clothes).
I was having regular panic attacks in America, I was crying for days and spent hours in a dark closet hiding from the world. I know that probably sounds really sad but I was going crazy big time when I was there. Sometimes I was getting worried of my life because I would start hyperventilating when the panic attacks got really bad - It's a scary feeling when you are already crying and panicing and suddenly you can't even breath...
I had all the strange new stuff to deal with and also a "boyfriend" who kept promising me the moon from the sky and the next day lieing to my face why he couldn't do this and that. I have always been a fool for "pretty words" and naively I always have believed everything that people tell me. I have always believed that beneath everyone is good, but I have learned the hard way that this is not the case, no matter how much I want it to be.
It makes me sad to think about the episode I had in America - it had all the potential of being the best time of my life (and some parts of it was really great) but it turned out to be the biggest mistake I have ever made. Wish I could just erase it from my mind, but I have a huge credit card bill reminding me of it at least for the next year or so.
Well, anyway - America got me in to a chrisis with the bills I had piling up - well mainly my phone bill and my credit card. My "boyfriend" told me that he would pay my phone bill since I had paid his HUGE phone bill when I was in America and he said that he would sell the stuff I had bought and basically pay me back all the stuff that I had bought for him when I was there but... as you can guess he never paid anything...
I was really lucky when I got to Finland from America in November last year - I got me a temporary job in the local department store for 2 months. I spend the whole Christmas time in Finland and once the contract ended I was face to face with a situation again where I had to make a decision on what to do with my life. I was quite happy in Finland and for 2 months I had been free from panic attacks and then they hit me again. I had made a decision to go back to London, most likely because I was confident that I could get a job from there easy and also for the fact that my credit card was from UK and if I ever wanted to pay it back I would need to have some kind of income to my UK bank account.
I missed the first flight I had booked to London because I had such a bad panic attack ... things were starting to go crazy again. I booked me another flight and I guess I had a better day on the day of the flight because I managed to make it to London.
I was very lucky to get a job quite soon after I got to UK - within my 1st week in London. I actually got 2 jobs, 1st was a receptionist role in a media company and the 2nd was an assistant role for a big bank. I decided to go for the role in the bank because I thought that they would be more reliable and they also paid slightly better pay. I also did some temporary work before I started my permanent role (conclusion: in London it is SO easy to find work if you really need it and if you aren't too picky on what you will be doing).
Anyway, I was happy for getting a job and I also found me a nice room to rent for a month for the time when I was looking for a more permanent place to live in.
The month was passing fast and I was waiting for my very 1st pay day like rising moon because I was running out of money, I had to wait extra week longer to get paid because I had started working in the middle of the month, I had to move out of my room (which meant paying for deposits etc.) and did I mention that I was running out of money... BIG TIME!
I can't believe that I fell for the same stupid bullshit that I had fallen for just 6 months earlier. My "boyfriend" - who at this point was "ex-boyfriend" - told me that he would be sending me money because he owed me so much, he even told me that he had gone to the bank and taken care of it. He also said that his mother had bought my TV (yeah this awesome 37' LCD HD TV) and he would be sending the money for that.
Well, I never got any money from him (I still haven't) - what a big surprise... but at that time I still believed that he was actually doing what he said he would and that caused SO much trouble. The week I was getting paid I had to take 3 days off because I didn't have money to buy me a travelcard to go to work ... let alone buy food - bless the family I was living with because I had to steal food from them (nothing too fancy, just rice and a banana occasionally) - that's the first time I have been driven SO LOW that I had to actually steal something to stay alive.
Well anyway, I had my spirits kept up for the fact that I was getting paid in few days and I was moving that weekend as well - so no panic attacks then.... but oh dear... God really has a twisted sense of humor since this is when things really started to get interesting:
Day 1 (Thursday)
I go over my overdraft on my bank account because I had to buy me a travelcard to get to work. This is the pay day so it doesn't make much of a difference - £25 penalty but I can handle it. Today I also need to go pay the deposit for my new flat where I will move on Saturday.
I get to work - no one has been paid - no one knows why no one has been paid.
I call my new flat and explain that I can't come that day.
Day 2 (Friday)
I go over my overdraft again because I had to buy the travelcard (another £25 fine)
I get to work - no one has been paid - no one knows why no one has been paid.... I start to panic since I can't go pay my deposit to my new flat where I am supposed to move the next day.
Midday we get informed that the company we were working for has gone to liqudation and we have all been made redundant. No one will get paid.
My mind enters autopilot and panic starts to take over - I am going homeless, jobless and I will starve to death.
I ask every single person I know to lend me money... NO ONE lends me money (not even £10 so I could buy food).
I surf the internet for all the loans I could imagine getting and apply to all of them. I manage to gather together £500 of all the payday loans that were willing to lend me a bit of money with interest rate out of this universe but there really was no other choice... I call my new flat and tell them that I can come over and they tell me that they don't want me to move there anymore because they can't trust me to pay the rent. At that point I felt that I was meant to fail this - I really was going homeless the next day eventhough I worked so hard the whole day to get that money together.
I contacted Finnish embassy saying that I was going homeless and even they said that they couldn't help me.
I go home, knowing that I will have to leave my room when I wake up - I can't remember anything of that night, I think I was in a shock of somekind, I can't even remember crying... I probably wasn't.
Day 3 (Saturday)
I wake up.
I have been granted a little bit of strength and willpower during the night and I start my mission to sort out the mess I am in.
I search all the posts on gumtree for flats and arrange only 1 viewing for few hours from the moment I woke up. I get my essential stuff together and leave my room for good...
Felt very strange walking on the streets of London not having a place to go that night. My friends were out of town so I couldn't even go stay at them...
I go view this flat which seems ok and tell them that I want the room - naturally it's not just up to me whether they take me there or not. I go sit in a cafe and wait for a call which.... after a few hours comes and I am invited to start living in this house.
I only pay £500 out of the £750 I am supposed to pay (I didn't tell him about my situation since he would have NEVER let me stay there if he knew what had been going on) - I tell him that I will pay the rest in the folowing week (without knowing if that was even possible).
The folowing week another company took over our business and gave us all "a hardship fund" of £2500 that literally saved my life... I had to pay my £500 loan back which ended up taking about £1000 off that because of all the intrests (NEVER USE PAY DAY LOANS - THEY ARE RIDICULOUS!) and the rest I used to sort out my life like paying the rent etc. But this "hardship fund" was just a loan and we had to pay it back... well, I am still paying it back and it's messing up my life as we speak.
Not only this, but I have been going out with this wonderful guy (as if you didn't know for reading all my posts) who has been stuck in the army detention centre and I haven't actually been able to spend any time with him - apart from 2 hours a week holding hands across a table.
Anyway - so the long story short. I have been through so much shit in the past 12 months that sometimes I wonder why I keep trying. I am so tired of all this and especially because I have been going through all this shit alone.
The whole episode of stealing food and going homeless has made me realize who my friends are. All of you reading this that I asked money from few months ago I hope you feel really proud of yourself. I know you are not obliged to help your friends when they ask for help but just remember this, when you next time need a favor don't be suprised if I don't even answer your call, because I could care less. You all knew that I was starving on those few days, you all knew I was going homeless and yet ALL of you came up with some excuses why you couldn't lend me money... not even £10 for food. Though I appreciate a few of you offering me a place to stay if it went that far, I will keep you on my friend list still but the rest of you can just disappear from my life. I know that sounds harsh but I don't need friends who are there only when the sun is shining.
I always help everyone, even if it means I have to cut the cheese off my bread - I can't understand people who won't do anything. DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW HUMILIATING IT IS TO ASK FOR MONEY?!
Maybe this year is the year for me to clean up my life of all the cob webs that I have gathered in the years I have been on this earth. I haven't had any panic attacks for a very long time even though my life has been doing cartwheels. I am very poor even though I am working in one of the biggest banks in the world, I have debt reaching all the way to my neck (thanks to all the shitty choices I have made) and basically I should be going to the mental hospital already for all the stress that I am experiencing all the time because of the lack of money. But the secret for me has always been to be in control to keep some kind of sanity and that is what I have been for the past few months - My world collapsed around me but I fought my way back on top of the rubble and the foundations of new life are already being built. Maybe this time I live my life a bit smarter...
(PS. sorry if this post make no sense and is written with very bad grammar but it is a very long post and I cant be asked to go through it again...)
For the past year and a half... or maybe even more.. I have been going from one bad choice to the next. I am struggling through life and shit keeps coming on my way. Year 2008 has been nothing but easy - I think this year is a year that really tests whether I am ready to pass this course in life skills.
My problems started really when I decided to go to America. I didn't think all the aspects of "moving" to another side of the world... (hmm, sounds very familiar... I wonder if I have ever done that before....*pulls hair*). I was fooled to believe that everything was going to be fine and someone would share the burden of "life" with me - but that just taught me that you live and you die alone in this world - you can't trust anyone. I know that sounds very cynical and bitter, but that was the LAST time I let anyone use me so platantly as I was used when I was in America...
I was SO poor when I was in America that it is not funny. I had to use my credit card to the maximum limit and like I wrote before, all the stuff I bought when I was there is still there... I don't have any of the stuff that I am now paying for (yeah, even my clothes).
I was having regular panic attacks in America, I was crying for days and spent hours in a dark closet hiding from the world. I know that probably sounds really sad but I was going crazy big time when I was there. Sometimes I was getting worried of my life because I would start hyperventilating when the panic attacks got really bad - It's a scary feeling when you are already crying and panicing and suddenly you can't even breath...
I had all the strange new stuff to deal with and also a "boyfriend" who kept promising me the moon from the sky and the next day lieing to my face why he couldn't do this and that. I have always been a fool for "pretty words" and naively I always have believed everything that people tell me. I have always believed that beneath everyone is good, but I have learned the hard way that this is not the case, no matter how much I want it to be.
It makes me sad to think about the episode I had in America - it had all the potential of being the best time of my life (and some parts of it was really great) but it turned out to be the biggest mistake I have ever made. Wish I could just erase it from my mind, but I have a huge credit card bill reminding me of it at least for the next year or so.
Well, anyway - America got me in to a chrisis with the bills I had piling up - well mainly my phone bill and my credit card. My "boyfriend" told me that he would pay my phone bill since I had paid his HUGE phone bill when I was in America and he said that he would sell the stuff I had bought and basically pay me back all the stuff that I had bought for him when I was there but... as you can guess he never paid anything...
I was really lucky when I got to Finland from America in November last year - I got me a temporary job in the local department store for 2 months. I spend the whole Christmas time in Finland and once the contract ended I was face to face with a situation again where I had to make a decision on what to do with my life. I was quite happy in Finland and for 2 months I had been free from panic attacks and then they hit me again. I had made a decision to go back to London, most likely because I was confident that I could get a job from there easy and also for the fact that my credit card was from UK and if I ever wanted to pay it back I would need to have some kind of income to my UK bank account.
I missed the first flight I had booked to London because I had such a bad panic attack ... things were starting to go crazy again. I booked me another flight and I guess I had a better day on the day of the flight because I managed to make it to London.
I was very lucky to get a job quite soon after I got to UK - within my 1st week in London. I actually got 2 jobs, 1st was a receptionist role in a media company and the 2nd was an assistant role for a big bank. I decided to go for the role in the bank because I thought that they would be more reliable and they also paid slightly better pay. I also did some temporary work before I started my permanent role (conclusion: in London it is SO easy to find work if you really need it and if you aren't too picky on what you will be doing).
Anyway, I was happy for getting a job and I also found me a nice room to rent for a month for the time when I was looking for a more permanent place to live in.
The month was passing fast and I was waiting for my very 1st pay day like rising moon because I was running out of money, I had to wait extra week longer to get paid because I had started working in the middle of the month, I had to move out of my room (which meant paying for deposits etc.) and did I mention that I was running out of money... BIG TIME!
I can't believe that I fell for the same stupid bullshit that I had fallen for just 6 months earlier. My "boyfriend" - who at this point was "ex-boyfriend" - told me that he would be sending me money because he owed me so much, he even told me that he had gone to the bank and taken care of it. He also said that his mother had bought my TV (yeah this awesome 37' LCD HD TV) and he would be sending the money for that.
Well, I never got any money from him (I still haven't) - what a big surprise... but at that time I still believed that he was actually doing what he said he would and that caused SO much trouble. The week I was getting paid I had to take 3 days off because I didn't have money to buy me a travelcard to go to work ... let alone buy food - bless the family I was living with because I had to steal food from them (nothing too fancy, just rice and a banana occasionally) - that's the first time I have been driven SO LOW that I had to actually steal something to stay alive.
Well anyway, I had my spirits kept up for the fact that I was getting paid in few days and I was moving that weekend as well - so no panic attacks then.... but oh dear... God really has a twisted sense of humor since this is when things really started to get interesting:
Day 1 (Thursday)
I go over my overdraft on my bank account because I had to buy me a travelcard to get to work. This is the pay day so it doesn't make much of a difference - £25 penalty but I can handle it. Today I also need to go pay the deposit for my new flat where I will move on Saturday.
I get to work - no one has been paid - no one knows why no one has been paid.
I call my new flat and explain that I can't come that day.
Day 2 (Friday)
I go over my overdraft again because I had to buy the travelcard (another £25 fine)
I get to work - no one has been paid - no one knows why no one has been paid.... I start to panic since I can't go pay my deposit to my new flat where I am supposed to move the next day.
Midday we get informed that the company we were working for has gone to liqudation and we have all been made redundant. No one will get paid.
My mind enters autopilot and panic starts to take over - I am going homeless, jobless and I will starve to death.
I ask every single person I know to lend me money... NO ONE lends me money (not even £10 so I could buy food).
I surf the internet for all the loans I could imagine getting and apply to all of them. I manage to gather together £500 of all the payday loans that were willing to lend me a bit of money with interest rate out of this universe but there really was no other choice... I call my new flat and tell them that I can come over and they tell me that they don't want me to move there anymore because they can't trust me to pay the rent. At that point I felt that I was meant to fail this - I really was going homeless the next day eventhough I worked so hard the whole day to get that money together.
I contacted Finnish embassy saying that I was going homeless and even they said that they couldn't help me.
I go home, knowing that I will have to leave my room when I wake up - I can't remember anything of that night, I think I was in a shock of somekind, I can't even remember crying... I probably wasn't.
Day 3 (Saturday)
I wake up.
I have been granted a little bit of strength and willpower during the night and I start my mission to sort out the mess I am in.
I search all the posts on gumtree for flats and arrange only 1 viewing for few hours from the moment I woke up. I get my essential stuff together and leave my room for good...
Felt very strange walking on the streets of London not having a place to go that night. My friends were out of town so I couldn't even go stay at them...
I go view this flat which seems ok and tell them that I want the room - naturally it's not just up to me whether they take me there or not. I go sit in a cafe and wait for a call which.... after a few hours comes and I am invited to start living in this house.
I only pay £500 out of the £750 I am supposed to pay (I didn't tell him about my situation since he would have NEVER let me stay there if he knew what had been going on) - I tell him that I will pay the rest in the folowing week (without knowing if that was even possible).
The folowing week another company took over our business and gave us all "a hardship fund" of £2500 that literally saved my life... I had to pay my £500 loan back which ended up taking about £1000 off that because of all the intrests (NEVER USE PAY DAY LOANS - THEY ARE RIDICULOUS!) and the rest I used to sort out my life like paying the rent etc. But this "hardship fund" was just a loan and we had to pay it back... well, I am still paying it back and it's messing up my life as we speak.
Not only this, but I have been going out with this wonderful guy (as if you didn't know for reading all my posts) who has been stuck in the army detention centre and I haven't actually been able to spend any time with him - apart from 2 hours a week holding hands across a table.
Anyway - so the long story short. I have been through so much shit in the past 12 months that sometimes I wonder why I keep trying. I am so tired of all this and especially because I have been going through all this shit alone.
The whole episode of stealing food and going homeless has made me realize who my friends are. All of you reading this that I asked money from few months ago I hope you feel really proud of yourself. I know you are not obliged to help your friends when they ask for help but just remember this, when you next time need a favor don't be suprised if I don't even answer your call, because I could care less. You all knew that I was starving on those few days, you all knew I was going homeless and yet ALL of you came up with some excuses why you couldn't lend me money... not even £10 for food. Though I appreciate a few of you offering me a place to stay if it went that far, I will keep you on my friend list still but the rest of you can just disappear from my life. I know that sounds harsh but I don't need friends who are there only when the sun is shining.
I always help everyone, even if it means I have to cut the cheese off my bread - I can't understand people who won't do anything. DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW HUMILIATING IT IS TO ASK FOR MONEY?!
Maybe this year is the year for me to clean up my life of all the cob webs that I have gathered in the years I have been on this earth. I haven't had any panic attacks for a very long time even though my life has been doing cartwheels. I am very poor even though I am working in one of the biggest banks in the world, I have debt reaching all the way to my neck (thanks to all the shitty choices I have made) and basically I should be going to the mental hospital already for all the stress that I am experiencing all the time because of the lack of money. But the secret for me has always been to be in control to keep some kind of sanity and that is what I have been for the past few months - My world collapsed around me but I fought my way back on top of the rubble and the foundations of new life are already being built. Maybe this time I live my life a bit smarter...
(PS. sorry if this post make no sense and is written with very bad grammar but it is a very long post and I cant be asked to go through it again...)
Tuesday, July 08, 2008
There's nothing like an airport for bringing you down to earth
What a pain in the backside it has been to get flights to Finland with a reasonable price...
Basically I have been waiting for a while now to get information from Chris when he will be on holiday from the gray and green colours of the army, but since he has been in the detention center it has been very difficult to get any information out of him. Well finally on the weekend I got confirmation of the dates that we might be able to go to Finland and since then I have been desperately surfing on every single website in the internet trying to find flights for us but before I go into that let me tell you a bit about yesterday...
So yesterday I got my holiday approved by my manager and I thought that once I get home I go online and book us the flights. When I left work it was raining and naturally I didn't have a jacket with me because after all IT IS JULY!!! Well, I decided to wait for a bus since it takes me closer to home (than tube or DLR would) which means less walking in the rain. This bus is supposed to run every 10 minutes but after 30 minutes of waiting in the rain the bus finally shows up... I was not happy. I got on and the driver with very bad teeth said something to me that I didn't quite catch - I asked what he said and he repeated himself but all I heard was "jada jada jada jada, I have really stinking bad teeth" - I just said "OK" and went to sit down. For a second I felt good because I though that he had apologised that the bus was running late - could I have been more wrong.
Near Blackwall Tunnel roundabout the bus stops and the driver announces that it was the last stop - this was about 4 stops from where I had got on... Blackwall Tunnel roundabout is no where near of basically anything so at first I thought that I just wait at that bus stop for the next bus (and so did 15 other people) but then I thought how late that previous bus had been and decided to walk to Blackwall DLR station (in the rain...). I know they say that if the bus is late and you have already been waiting you should never start walking because the odds are that the moment you leave the bus will arrive but yesterday that wasn't the case and I am happy I decided to do what I did. It took me probably 10 - 15 minutes to walk to the station and take the DLR and when the train passed the bus stop where the bus had left us I saw the same people waiting for the bus still... in the rain.
When I finally got home my socks and shoes were dripping of water and I was feeling a bit miserable. After a long hot shower I sat down on my chair and started the mad surfing for the flights. Ryan Air: no space - Blue1: space but very expensive - SAS: space but VERY expensive - KLM: same story - BA: same.... I was starting to sink to the feeling of self pity every time I saw the figures go up. Then I got an idea - We will fly to Tallinn and take a boat from there to Finland and here's the result for that: Easy Jet: Space but times were awkward and prices not THAT much cheaper - Other companies: VERY EXPENSIVE. So there it was, another set back and I heard myself sobbing already, the stress was making me mad. I checked flights to Stockholm and even St. Petersburgh but there was always something that put me off from booking the tickets.
Then I finally decided to book the ridiculously expensive Brittish Airways tickets just to get rid of the stress and when I had pressed the "book these tickets" button a notification comes on my screen saying that the card I used to pay for the flights was not accepted. At that moment I turned off my laptop and went to the kitchen to make me some food. I was starving and in the verge of tears because I was so stressed out that we were not going to go on a holiday and I wasn't going to see my family and friends. I told myself to calm down because I was acting hysterical at that point, I wasn't quite understanding why I was so emotional about the whole thing but I really could have used a hug and someone telling me that everything was going to be fine (which I probably would have argued saying "how the f**** you think things will be fine!!???" - lol I am not good at taking comforting unless the words actually mean something).
So the result of yesterday: no flights booked and 1 sad little girl hugging her aromatherapeutic duck.
Well... today I came to work and booked us flights to Finland (it's a miracle what a calm mind after a night of sleep can do). I had entered the wrong expiery date of my credit card to the booking details and that's why my card hadn't been accepted on the BA site. I nipped 2 days off from our holiday and got a fairly reasonable price by doing that as well (still you could have a nice holiday in Spain with the money we paid for just the flights...). I feel SO relieved that it has now been taken care of and in roughly 2 weeks I will see my family again (and I get to show Chris where I am from!)
Basically I have been waiting for a while now to get information from Chris when he will be on holiday from the gray and green colours of the army, but since he has been in the detention center it has been very difficult to get any information out of him. Well finally on the weekend I got confirmation of the dates that we might be able to go to Finland and since then I have been desperately surfing on every single website in the internet trying to find flights for us but before I go into that let me tell you a bit about yesterday...
So yesterday I got my holiday approved by my manager and I thought that once I get home I go online and book us the flights. When I left work it was raining and naturally I didn't have a jacket with me because after all IT IS JULY!!! Well, I decided to wait for a bus since it takes me closer to home (than tube or DLR would) which means less walking in the rain. This bus is supposed to run every 10 minutes but after 30 minutes of waiting in the rain the bus finally shows up... I was not happy. I got on and the driver with very bad teeth said something to me that I didn't quite catch - I asked what he said and he repeated himself but all I heard was "jada jada jada jada, I have really stinking bad teeth" - I just said "OK" and went to sit down. For a second I felt good because I though that he had apologised that the bus was running late - could I have been more wrong.
Near Blackwall Tunnel roundabout the bus stops and the driver announces that it was the last stop - this was about 4 stops from where I had got on... Blackwall Tunnel roundabout is no where near of basically anything so at first I thought that I just wait at that bus stop for the next bus (and so did 15 other people) but then I thought how late that previous bus had been and decided to walk to Blackwall DLR station (in the rain...). I know they say that if the bus is late and you have already been waiting you should never start walking because the odds are that the moment you leave the bus will arrive but yesterday that wasn't the case and I am happy I decided to do what I did. It took me probably 10 - 15 minutes to walk to the station and take the DLR and when the train passed the bus stop where the bus had left us I saw the same people waiting for the bus still... in the rain.
When I finally got home my socks and shoes were dripping of water and I was feeling a bit miserable. After a long hot shower I sat down on my chair and started the mad surfing for the flights. Ryan Air: no space - Blue1: space but very expensive - SAS: space but VERY expensive - KLM: same story - BA: same.... I was starting to sink to the feeling of self pity every time I saw the figures go up. Then I got an idea - We will fly to Tallinn and take a boat from there to Finland and here's the result for that: Easy Jet: Space but times were awkward and prices not THAT much cheaper - Other companies: VERY EXPENSIVE. So there it was, another set back and I heard myself sobbing already, the stress was making me mad. I checked flights to Stockholm and even St. Petersburgh but there was always something that put me off from booking the tickets.
Then I finally decided to book the ridiculously expensive Brittish Airways tickets just to get rid of the stress and when I had pressed the "book these tickets" button a notification comes on my screen saying that the card I used to pay for the flights was not accepted. At that moment I turned off my laptop and went to the kitchen to make me some food. I was starving and in the verge of tears because I was so stressed out that we were not going to go on a holiday and I wasn't going to see my family and friends. I told myself to calm down because I was acting hysterical at that point, I wasn't quite understanding why I was so emotional about the whole thing but I really could have used a hug and someone telling me that everything was going to be fine (which I probably would have argued saying "how the f**** you think things will be fine!!???" - lol I am not good at taking comforting unless the words actually mean something).
So the result of yesterday: no flights booked and 1 sad little girl hugging her aromatherapeutic duck.
Well... today I came to work and booked us flights to Finland (it's a miracle what a calm mind after a night of sleep can do). I had entered the wrong expiery date of my credit card to the booking details and that's why my card hadn't been accepted on the BA site. I nipped 2 days off from our holiday and got a fairly reasonable price by doing that as well (still you could have a nice holiday in Spain with the money we paid for just the flights...). I feel SO relieved that it has now been taken care of and in roughly 2 weeks I will see my family again (and I get to show Chris where I am from!)
Thursday, July 03, 2008
20 year plan
I have made a list of all the places I WILL go to in the next 20 years - these are not in any particular order and some of the places I have already been to but I want to go again just to take that picture to my "I TOLD YOU I COULD DO THIS" photo album.
Any of you who know me, knows that I am a passionate traveller but my trips have lately shrunk to circumstances making me fly from one country to another. I am now going to make a concious effort to settle down a bit, save money and start picking these places off my list little by little - one or two weeks at a time.
Macchu Picchu in Peru
The Great Barrier Reef in Australia
Jerusalem in Israel
Himalayas (Mount Everest) & Potala Palace in Tibet
Christ of Redeemer in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil
Chitzen Itza in Mexico
Golden Gate Bridge in San Fransisco
Hollywood in Los Angeles, USA
Grand Canyon in Arizona, USA
Las Vegas in Nevada, USA
Taj Mahal in India
The Great Wall of China
Colosseum, Vatican, Rome - Italy
Pyramids of Giza, Egypt
Stonehenge, England
Leaning Tower of Pisa
Hagia Sophia in Istanbul, Turkey
Petra in Jordan
Victoria Falls in Zambia/Zimbabwe
Niagara Falls in Canada
Panama Canal
Hoover Dam, Arizona, USA
Brooklyn Bridge, Statue of Liberty in New York, USA
Lake Baikal, Russia
Angor Wat in Cambodia
Iguazu Falls in Brazil
Amazon Rainforest
Bora Bora
Venice in Italy
Hawaii in USA
Masai Mara in Kenya
Easter Islands
Twin Towers in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia
Eiffel Tower, Notre Dame, Paris - France
I have probably missed something but luckily it's my list and I can update it whenever something comes to my mind.
BUT what I will do now is get me a big world map that I will put on my wall and get a box of coloured needles that I will put to these places to remind me that my life is here to be lived.
Something tells me though that the first trip will be to Stonehenge because it takes least money - SOMEONE PLEASE FUND MY TRIPS!!!!!
Any of you who know me, knows that I am a passionate traveller but my trips have lately shrunk to circumstances making me fly from one country to another. I am now going to make a concious effort to settle down a bit, save money and start picking these places off my list little by little - one or two weeks at a time.
Macchu Picchu in Peru
The Great Barrier Reef in Australia
Jerusalem in Israel
Himalayas (Mount Everest) & Potala Palace in Tibet
Christ of Redeemer in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil
Chitzen Itza in Mexico
Golden Gate Bridge in San Fransisco
Hollywood in Los Angeles, USA
Grand Canyon in Arizona, USA
Las Vegas in Nevada, USA
Taj Mahal in India
The Great Wall of China
Colosseum, Vatican, Rome - Italy
Pyramids of Giza, Egypt
Stonehenge, England
Leaning Tower of Pisa
Hagia Sophia in Istanbul, Turkey
Petra in Jordan
Victoria Falls in Zambia/Zimbabwe
Niagara Falls in Canada
Panama Canal
Hoover Dam, Arizona, USA
Brooklyn Bridge, Statue of Liberty in New York, USA
Lake Baikal, Russia
Angor Wat in Cambodia
Iguazu Falls in Brazil
Amazon Rainforest
Bora Bora
Venice in Italy
Hawaii in USA
Masai Mara in Kenya
Easter Islands
Twin Towers in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia
Eiffel Tower, Notre Dame, Paris - France
I have probably missed something but luckily it's my list and I can update it whenever something comes to my mind.
BUT what I will do now is get me a big world map that I will put on my wall and get a box of coloured needles that I will put to these places to remind me that my life is here to be lived.
Something tells me though that the first trip will be to Stonehenge because it takes least money - SOMEONE PLEASE FUND MY TRIPS!!!!!
My way to work
There was 2 men in the bus this morning that smelled like fish and a baby crying the whole way.... do I need to say more?
Thursday, June 19, 2008
"Mice really just eat cooked food"
Been a while since I wrote anything here...
But there are actually some things that I really have been wanting to write!
Like for example...
PUBLIC TOILETS
You know how there is music in the elevators... well not all elevators have music but at least the "better" ones have. The music is there to break the awkward silence that falls upon everyone when people enter this little box where you have to be uncomfortably close to a complete stranger. Even if you are talking to your friend before you enter the elevator you stop talking for the short period of time when you are in the elevator - unless of course you don't have anyone else in the lift. If someone continues their conversation it usually breaks up and the talker seems highly distracted.
Well... the other day I went to once again relieve myself from the earthly fluids that run through my system to one the public toilets in my office. I am working for a very male oriented industry so the female bathrooms usually are quite empty, but for some evil reason there is ALWAYS one person in one of the cubicles doing their thing when I go there...
So, I open the cubicle door and sit down on the toilet and that's when it happens... my mind starts this small panic routine. "What if I fart and the other person hears it?!!!" (number 2 is out of the question in a public toilet if there is someone else in there). And I know that every single woman in the world has these moments in their life, I got proof of that the other day (well unless they are one of those free souls that fart and burp in the public, which I think is not very attractive for a woman).
First of all I have to say that I am very much of a lady in my life and even writing about farts makes me blush a bit.... But anyway, where was I.... I was sitting on the toilet and I heard this girl few cubicles away going through the same routine as I do very often: take paper from the roll, cough, make noises with your handbag and if you are lucky to have a water tap in the cubicle, pretend that you are washing your hands. It can be pretty stressful sometimes, because you really want to just pee and get out of the toilet.
SO, my great thought of the day was that they should really put "elevator music" to the public toilets - it would save so many women from wasting their time in the cubicle holding the pee in so other people don't hear them fart....
Another thing I wanted to write about was
MEN
It's that time of the month again for me that I basically see a man (any man) on the street and I want to rip their clothes off and have sex with them. I know that it might sound a bit harsh but that is what happens to women once a month, it lasts for few days and then it calms down again. Naturally I won't do anything about it since I have a boyfriend but he is not around at the moment and I feel myself getting very frustrated...
So yesterday I was in a tube going home from work and I sat opposite of a guy who had a very short hair, stubble, tanned skin and he was wearing construction workers clothes... So basically he looked like a man with a capital M. Immediately I felt drawn to him and was quite happy that he left the tube after few stops. Then near my home there was a guy lifting boxes to a van and he looked very boyish but very fit at the same time... I speeded up my walking, I just had to get home because my hormones were driving nuts. Well, that got me thinking though... The whole day I work with guys and yet I don't feel the same way around them even though my hormones are having Woodstock in my body, why?
I came to one conclusion, it must be the suits!! Men in my office look more like robots than men, they all wear similar suits and all have neat hair and smell of roses. I think God made men to be men (a bit rough and smelly) and women to be women (pretty and sophisticated) for a reason. I say screw you metro-sexuality I want my men raw with some sweat and stubble on the side ... if I wanted a partner that knows fashion, wears perfumes and spends an hour to do their hair in the morning, I would become lesbian!
One more thing that made me giggle the other day....
NASTY ROOMMATES
I have been living in my current flat for about 4 months now. I have always paid my rent on time, I wash dishes after cooking, I spend less than 20 minutes in the bathroom even when I want to have a hot bath and I turn the volume from my TV down after 10pm, I don't drink much (hardly ever actually), I don't smoke, I don't have pets etc... Basically I am an ideal flat mate for anyone but mine seem to think otherwise.
I live with two guys and I think that they probably just have something against women... or maybe it is just me.
So... I was minding my own business in the kitchen the other day and one of my flat mates (the owner of the house) came to tell me that I should buy 6 pack Tesco toilet rolls because they are cheap and they last longer. I agreed with him and thought that I will go buy some when we are on our last roll, we still had 3. So I go have a shower in the evening that day and see that all the 3 rolls have disappeared and we have no toilet paper in the house... I guess that was his way of saying "when I say go buy toilet paper, it means go buy toilet paper now". I decided to start a toilet paper war against him... I have been buying toilet paper every single time I go to the shop so he can't tell me that I am not buying any (and just to clear things up, I did buy toilet paper before as well, but not the 6 packs).
Well, just as this episode had calmed down I was once again minding my own business in the kitchen when the same guy comes to talk to me and tells me not to leave my food outside of the fridge because it attracts mice from the kitchen window which is usually kept open (yes even when it's freezing cold outside...). The only time I leave food outside of the fridge is when I have just cooked it and it needs to cool down before putting it to the fridge (or at least that's what they taught us to do in shcool). Even then the food is in a neat little container and the pans and pots that I used to cook the food are washed up.
I took that comment to the chin thinking that it was very strange until I started to really think about the absurdness of his comment. We have a big open rubbish bin in the kitchen that sometimes smells so bad that I have to take it out before it is even full and surely that would attract a lot more mice than my little container of cooked food. So later that night I went to the kitchen to make some tea and the guy was sitting in the living room watching TV. I decided to share my little piece of knowledge with him about the rubbish bin and it's just one of those moments that you just should have been there to get the whole comedy value out of the situation. His first argument was "but you don't put food in the bin" which was very easy to counter because everyone puts food in the bin whether they want to or not. His second argument was "the food from the bin doesn't smell as much as the food on the table" which I didn't really say anything to because he was already giving his last argument which will last forever in my quotes that will never die "Mice really just eat cooked food" - I stared at him for a second and tried to not start laughing too hard. I think I just replied something like "Mate, mice eat anything" and walked back to my room hearing him shout "well, we haven't had any mice so far".
I have been looking for a new place to move to but moving is such a pain in the ass and I don't really have any extra money either.
But yes... there are some other things I wanted to write about as well - but those are the main news for the day.
But there are actually some things that I really have been wanting to write!
Like for example...
PUBLIC TOILETS
You know how there is music in the elevators... well not all elevators have music but at least the "better" ones have. The music is there to break the awkward silence that falls upon everyone when people enter this little box where you have to be uncomfortably close to a complete stranger. Even if you are talking to your friend before you enter the elevator you stop talking for the short period of time when you are in the elevator - unless of course you don't have anyone else in the lift. If someone continues their conversation it usually breaks up and the talker seems highly distracted.
Well... the other day I went to once again relieve myself from the earthly fluids that run through my system to one the public toilets in my office. I am working for a very male oriented industry so the female bathrooms usually are quite empty, but for some evil reason there is ALWAYS one person in one of the cubicles doing their thing when I go there...
So, I open the cubicle door and sit down on the toilet and that's when it happens... my mind starts this small panic routine. "What if I fart and the other person hears it?!!!" (number 2 is out of the question in a public toilet if there is someone else in there). And I know that every single woman in the world has these moments in their life, I got proof of that the other day (well unless they are one of those free souls that fart and burp in the public, which I think is not very attractive for a woman).
First of all I have to say that I am very much of a lady in my life and even writing about farts makes me blush a bit.... But anyway, where was I.... I was sitting on the toilet and I heard this girl few cubicles away going through the same routine as I do very often: take paper from the roll, cough, make noises with your handbag and if you are lucky to have a water tap in the cubicle, pretend that you are washing your hands. It can be pretty stressful sometimes, because you really want to just pee and get out of the toilet.
SO, my great thought of the day was that they should really put "elevator music" to the public toilets - it would save so many women from wasting their time in the cubicle holding the pee in so other people don't hear them fart....
Another thing I wanted to write about was
MEN
It's that time of the month again for me that I basically see a man (any man) on the street and I want to rip their clothes off and have sex with them. I know that it might sound a bit harsh but that is what happens to women once a month, it lasts for few days and then it calms down again. Naturally I won't do anything about it since I have a boyfriend but he is not around at the moment and I feel myself getting very frustrated...
So yesterday I was in a tube going home from work and I sat opposite of a guy who had a very short hair, stubble, tanned skin and he was wearing construction workers clothes... So basically he looked like a man with a capital M. Immediately I felt drawn to him and was quite happy that he left the tube after few stops. Then near my home there was a guy lifting boxes to a van and he looked very boyish but very fit at the same time... I speeded up my walking, I just had to get home because my hormones were driving nuts. Well, that got me thinking though... The whole day I work with guys and yet I don't feel the same way around them even though my hormones are having Woodstock in my body, why?
I came to one conclusion, it must be the suits!! Men in my office look more like robots than men, they all wear similar suits and all have neat hair and smell of roses. I think God made men to be men (a bit rough and smelly) and women to be women (pretty and sophisticated) for a reason. I say screw you metro-sexuality I want my men raw with some sweat and stubble on the side ... if I wanted a partner that knows fashion, wears perfumes and spends an hour to do their hair in the morning, I would become lesbian!
One more thing that made me giggle the other day....
NASTY ROOMMATES
I have been living in my current flat for about 4 months now. I have always paid my rent on time, I wash dishes after cooking, I spend less than 20 minutes in the bathroom even when I want to have a hot bath and I turn the volume from my TV down after 10pm, I don't drink much (hardly ever actually), I don't smoke, I don't have pets etc... Basically I am an ideal flat mate for anyone but mine seem to think otherwise.
I live with two guys and I think that they probably just have something against women... or maybe it is just me.
So... I was minding my own business in the kitchen the other day and one of my flat mates (the owner of the house) came to tell me that I should buy 6 pack Tesco toilet rolls because they are cheap and they last longer. I agreed with him and thought that I will go buy some when we are on our last roll, we still had 3. So I go have a shower in the evening that day and see that all the 3 rolls have disappeared and we have no toilet paper in the house... I guess that was his way of saying "when I say go buy toilet paper, it means go buy toilet paper now". I decided to start a toilet paper war against him... I have been buying toilet paper every single time I go to the shop so he can't tell me that I am not buying any (and just to clear things up, I did buy toilet paper before as well, but not the 6 packs).
Well, just as this episode had calmed down I was once again minding my own business in the kitchen when the same guy comes to talk to me and tells me not to leave my food outside of the fridge because it attracts mice from the kitchen window which is usually kept open (yes even when it's freezing cold outside...). The only time I leave food outside of the fridge is when I have just cooked it and it needs to cool down before putting it to the fridge (or at least that's what they taught us to do in shcool). Even then the food is in a neat little container and the pans and pots that I used to cook the food are washed up.
I took that comment to the chin thinking that it was very strange until I started to really think about the absurdness of his comment. We have a big open rubbish bin in the kitchen that sometimes smells so bad that I have to take it out before it is even full and surely that would attract a lot more mice than my little container of cooked food. So later that night I went to the kitchen to make some tea and the guy was sitting in the living room watching TV. I decided to share my little piece of knowledge with him about the rubbish bin and it's just one of those moments that you just should have been there to get the whole comedy value out of the situation. His first argument was "but you don't put food in the bin" which was very easy to counter because everyone puts food in the bin whether they want to or not. His second argument was "the food from the bin doesn't smell as much as the food on the table" which I didn't really say anything to because he was already giving his last argument which will last forever in my quotes that will never die "Mice really just eat cooked food" - I stared at him for a second and tried to not start laughing too hard. I think I just replied something like "Mate, mice eat anything" and walked back to my room hearing him shout "well, we haven't had any mice so far".
I have been looking for a new place to move to but moving is such a pain in the ass and I don't really have any extra money either.
But yes... there are some other things I wanted to write about as well - but those are the main news for the day.
Monday, June 09, 2008
Please let me just fall asleep...
I am having some friends over for few days and yesterday we were just walking through some sights of London. At one point a black guy walked past me, winked at me and said "Baby you should have been born black". That kind of shocked me and I didn't really know whether I should have taken that as a compliment or as an insult. Can you imagine walking to a black woman and say "baby you should have been born white". *SLAP*
Another thing that has been annoying me for the past week or so. Someone on my floor at work has had their 21st birthday. They have this balloon hovering above their desk saying "Happy Birthday 21!" and every single time I walk past it it reminds me that I am no longer 21... I want to go pop the stupid balloon... *POP*
My mind is blank... we were drinking last night and got home around 4.30 in the morning and I was at work looking fresh and awake at 9 am... (an hour late) I am so sure people could smell the alcohol 500 meters away from me!! It's weird how my mind has been on a slow motion today. I feel that lots of things that I do is purely automatic and I am not thinking about it at all. These are the days when I could walk 100 kilometers to a random direction and not realize where I was going. I guess it's because I am so tired... I could probably fall asleep on my feet if I closed my eyes. *....*
Another thing that has been annoying me for the past week or so. Someone on my floor at work has had their 21st birthday. They have this balloon hovering above their desk saying "Happy Birthday 21!" and every single time I walk past it it reminds me that I am no longer 21... I want to go pop the stupid balloon... *POP*
My mind is blank... we were drinking last night and got home around 4.30 in the morning and I was at work looking fresh and awake at 9 am... (an hour late) I am so sure people could smell the alcohol 500 meters away from me!! It's weird how my mind has been on a slow motion today. I feel that lots of things that I do is purely automatic and I am not thinking about it at all. These are the days when I could walk 100 kilometers to a random direction and not realize where I was going. I guess it's because I am so tired... I could probably fall asleep on my feet if I closed my eyes. *....*
Thursday, June 05, 2008
This made me LOL
I just had to scan this and put it up here... This is a drawing that Chris sent me when I was ill... LoL - it made me laugh so much - thanks baby.
I know it's a pretty bad scan (blame the scanner at work!!!) but you get the idea of it lol.
I'll write more later <3
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
life...
Nyaaaaaaaaaaaa - I have been so ill for the past 4 days... It's making me pretty miserable... Though today has been a bit better because I returned to work instead of laying in my bacteria infested bed feeling sorry for myself.
On Saturday I went to see Chris again, which of course was great but already then I was feeling a bit rubbish - I had taken 3 aspirins to keep me going and they did their job very well. And that was basically all I did for the whole weekend. Well at least anything that is somehow worth mentioning. Monday was a bank holiday here and it was all wasted because I was feeling ill... not that i had much plans anyway, but still I'd rather be bored and feel good than be bored and feel like shit. Yesterday I forced myself out for a little walk because I started to feel sick of the fact that I had been indoors for so long. I literally felt as if I was going to die - My lungs were so full of slime that it was hard for me to breath and I was sweating like a little pig (romantic eh?). I hadn't slept well for the whole weekend either so my mind was a mess, I felt like I was in another world, like I was high, even though I had only taken few aspirins that day. My reflexes were really slow, I could have easily been ran over by a car - lucky I was walking in a park. Anyway, as I was walking back home I almost started to cry because I thought I was going to die. I know it sounds ridiculous but you should have seen the state I was in. I was picturing an image of myself going to tell Chris, all my friends and family that I had only 2 weeks time to live... it made me really sad - stupid, right?
Chris called me in the evening and made me feel a lot better. He told me that he should have been with me to take care of me and I couldn't agree with him more. Was really nice to talk with him again, I miss him so much..
Well I'm back to work now (eventhough I am not feeling that great yet...) but one more day in my room of misery would just have broken me - I needed some social contacts. Maybe I will write some more tomorrow... Now I need to go and get me a cup of nice hot tea.
On Saturday I went to see Chris again, which of course was great but already then I was feeling a bit rubbish - I had taken 3 aspirins to keep me going and they did their job very well. And that was basically all I did for the whole weekend. Well at least anything that is somehow worth mentioning. Monday was a bank holiday here and it was all wasted because I was feeling ill... not that i had much plans anyway, but still I'd rather be bored and feel good than be bored and feel like shit. Yesterday I forced myself out for a little walk because I started to feel sick of the fact that I had been indoors for so long. I literally felt as if I was going to die - My lungs were so full of slime that it was hard for me to breath and I was sweating like a little pig (romantic eh?). I hadn't slept well for the whole weekend either so my mind was a mess, I felt like I was in another world, like I was high, even though I had only taken few aspirins that day. My reflexes were really slow, I could have easily been ran over by a car - lucky I was walking in a park. Anyway, as I was walking back home I almost started to cry because I thought I was going to die. I know it sounds ridiculous but you should have seen the state I was in. I was picturing an image of myself going to tell Chris, all my friends and family that I had only 2 weeks time to live... it made me really sad - stupid, right?
Chris called me in the evening and made me feel a lot better. He told me that he should have been with me to take care of me and I couldn't agree with him more. Was really nice to talk with him again, I miss him so much..
Well I'm back to work now (eventhough I am not feeling that great yet...) but one more day in my room of misery would just have broken me - I needed some social contacts. Maybe I will write some more tomorrow... Now I need to go and get me a cup of nice hot tea.
Thursday, May 22, 2008
boredom
Today has been such a boring day. I have had maybe 3 jobs to take care of and some random bills to look after and that's it. I have been surfing on the net the whole day and it has made me wonder if there was a way for me to utilize the excess time I have here - maybe start learning a language or something. Will look into that tomorrow if it's as slow as it is today. I can't be asked to do anything today, well anything that is somehow productive - I think it is a result of general laziness that consumes me when I have nothing to do here.
I got a really sweet letter from Chris yesterday and I have read it like 4 times now. He had written me a poem about how he feels...
I am not a person who gets impressed by poems very easy because I find them very sleazy but his letter just basically put me in tears, that's how beautiful I though it was. I'm not going to go into details because it was quite personal but I just have to say that I am one lucky girl to have such an awesome boyfriend.
Well, I think I am going to go back to finding interesting stuff from the internet. I have already read a big article about earthquakes and also found this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o9698TqtY4A
Enjoy!
I got a really sweet letter from Chris yesterday and I have read it like 4 times now. He had written me a poem about how he feels...
I am not a person who gets impressed by poems very easy because I find them very sleazy but his letter just basically put me in tears, that's how beautiful I though it was. I'm not going to go into details because it was quite personal but I just have to say that I am one lucky girl to have such an awesome boyfriend.
Well, I think I am going to go back to finding interesting stuff from the internet. I have already read a big article about earthquakes and also found this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o9698TqtY4A
Enjoy!
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
How hard it is to go see a doctor in London? Answer: VERY!
I have been trying to register with my local GP now for a while so I can just go and have a check that all is fine with me (I haven't been to a doctor since I left Finland 2.5 years ago so I think it's well over due). I registered to a GP about 1.5 years ago here and it was quite painless, just had to go to the practice - sign a few papers and voila, I was registered and free to see a doctor whenever. Well, since then I have moved twice and that practice is like an hour trip away from where I live now plus they say that you should go to your local GP anyway so I have been on a mission to register somewhere local, and what a mission it has truly turned out to be.
I looked up from NHS website (NHS = National Health Service) which health center is the nearest to me and went there the other day. I signed up papers there and they gave me a time to go for my general check up. I also had to pee in a cup and I was carrying this warm bottle in my purse half a day before my appointment. I went to the health center after work and the woman in the reception explained me that I can't actually use that health center because my post code was wrong for that area. I live 5 minutes walk from that health center so obviously that really pissed me off... I left the building huffing and buffing and absolutely appalled on the service I had been getting.. How difficult it would have been for the woman to tell me in the first place when I went to sign up that I couldn't actually sign up there? I also didn't get any advice on where to go from there "check up from the internet" was the answer when I asked where I should go. You can imagine how far the urine sample flew when I got out from that building, should have left it to the receptionist as an early Christmas present...
Well, I didn't let this incident put me down too much and went to the internet to check out which was the next place for me to go to.. I found this health center not too far from me and my flatmate confirmed that he had registered there and that I could do the same. I decided to go check the place out yesterday after work - after 30 minutes wondering around I went to a little shop to ask where the health center was... the very nice and helpful man pointed me to this very old looking council building which turned out to be the GP's office...I had walked past it several times thinking that it can't be that. I walked to the door thinking that I must have done a big crime in the past for having to go see a doctor in such a horrible place. There were blue plastic chairs in a tiny room that looked like it hadn't seen a cleaner for months. The door to the reception had a paper print saying "GP's office" and my dear God... the office (reception in my understanding) was SO small and it had 2 fat women sitting behind a desk that looked as if it was falling apart for the sheer amount of papers and folders that were on it.
You know when you walk into a storage room where you keep all paperwork for 50 years, how the shelves are packed with boxes and folders and no one really knows what's where and how you get that feeling of messiness... well, that's how it felt when I walked in there.
First of all, I didn't get a hello - I got a look saying "ok what do you want then?" I explained the ladies that I needed to register and instead of answering me they gave me the look of "what the f~~k are you on about?" - at that point I started to wonder if they actually knew how to talk. After the awkward silence I continued to explain that I had just moved to the area and needed to see a doctor - when I could swear I saw a light bulb flash on top of the other woman's head and she just said "Oh, We are not accepting new patients" She did give me a phone number to call to though...
I walked out of the GP's office feeling that I was losing the battle.. It was 2-0 for NHS and I felt that I had no more players to put on the field.
But that same evening I got this great idea that I will just go to my old GP because registering with a new one was turning out to be impossible. I wrote down the phone number of my old GP to the back of my NHS medical card and went to sleep thinking that this is what I should have done in the first place. So today I called my GP and booked a time for a general check up, I got a time for 30th of May but I was a fool to think that it was going to be that simple... Apparently I had been registered to GP over a year without visiting the practice so they had deleted me from their system and I wouldn't be able to go there unless I provided them a new proof of address... and naturally I wouldn't have that for that area since I haven't lived there for over a year. 3-0.
So, what to do next?
I am ready to give up if it wasn't for the fact that I really need to see a doctor - so I took the phone number that the semi-mute woman gave to me and surprisingly enough someone answered! They gave me names and numbers of 3 different GPs in my area where I could try to register - I tried calling all of them and as I suspected, no one ever answered my call... I went for lunch and tried again a few minutes ago and managed to get hold of someone. I got me an appointment for Friday. SO - Wish me luck!!!!! Maybe I might finally get me signed up for a GP!!!!
I looked up from NHS website (NHS = National Health Service) which health center is the nearest to me and went there the other day. I signed up papers there and they gave me a time to go for my general check up. I also had to pee in a cup and I was carrying this warm bottle in my purse half a day before my appointment. I went to the health center after work and the woman in the reception explained me that I can't actually use that health center because my post code was wrong for that area. I live 5 minutes walk from that health center so obviously that really pissed me off... I left the building huffing and buffing and absolutely appalled on the service I had been getting.. How difficult it would have been for the woman to tell me in the first place when I went to sign up that I couldn't actually sign up there? I also didn't get any advice on where to go from there "check up from the internet" was the answer when I asked where I should go. You can imagine how far the urine sample flew when I got out from that building, should have left it to the receptionist as an early Christmas present...
Well, I didn't let this incident put me down too much and went to the internet to check out which was the next place for me to go to.. I found this health center not too far from me and my flatmate confirmed that he had registered there and that I could do the same. I decided to go check the place out yesterday after work - after 30 minutes wondering around I went to a little shop to ask where the health center was... the very nice and helpful man pointed me to this very old looking council building which turned out to be the GP's office...I had walked past it several times thinking that it can't be that. I walked to the door thinking that I must have done a big crime in the past for having to go see a doctor in such a horrible place. There were blue plastic chairs in a tiny room that looked like it hadn't seen a cleaner for months. The door to the reception had a paper print saying "GP's office" and my dear God... the office (reception in my understanding) was SO small and it had 2 fat women sitting behind a desk that looked as if it was falling apart for the sheer amount of papers and folders that were on it.
You know when you walk into a storage room where you keep all paperwork for 50 years, how the shelves are packed with boxes and folders and no one really knows what's where and how you get that feeling of messiness... well, that's how it felt when I walked in there.
First of all, I didn't get a hello - I got a look saying "ok what do you want then?" I explained the ladies that I needed to register and instead of answering me they gave me the look of "what the f~~k are you on about?" - at that point I started to wonder if they actually knew how to talk. After the awkward silence I continued to explain that I had just moved to the area and needed to see a doctor - when I could swear I saw a light bulb flash on top of the other woman's head and she just said "Oh, We are not accepting new patients" She did give me a phone number to call to though...
I walked out of the GP's office feeling that I was losing the battle.. It was 2-0 for NHS and I felt that I had no more players to put on the field.
But that same evening I got this great idea that I will just go to my old GP because registering with a new one was turning out to be impossible. I wrote down the phone number of my old GP to the back of my NHS medical card and went to sleep thinking that this is what I should have done in the first place. So today I called my GP and booked a time for a general check up, I got a time for 30th of May but I was a fool to think that it was going to be that simple... Apparently I had been registered to GP over a year without visiting the practice so they had deleted me from their system and I wouldn't be able to go there unless I provided them a new proof of address... and naturally I wouldn't have that for that area since I haven't lived there for over a year. 3-0.
So, what to do next?
I am ready to give up if it wasn't for the fact that I really need to see a doctor - so I took the phone number that the semi-mute woman gave to me and surprisingly enough someone answered! They gave me names and numbers of 3 different GPs in my area where I could try to register - I tried calling all of them and as I suspected, no one ever answered my call... I went for lunch and tried again a few minutes ago and managed to get hold of someone. I got me an appointment for Friday. SO - Wish me luck!!!!! Maybe I might finally get me signed up for a GP!!!!
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Morning...
This morning I woke up with sun shining to my eyes a bit brighter than it usually does at 6 am in the morning. I felt relaxed and was checking how many more minutes I had until my alarm was going to go off. The clock on my wall said 7:30... 7:30!!!!!!! The bus I catch to work leaves 7:36!!!!
So goodbye to the morning streching in the bed - I was out of the bed, fully dressed 7:35 and ready to face the world. I am not quite sure how I managed it but I was at work already 8:10 - 10 minutes late but that was because I didn't make it to the bus stop in 1 minute from my house.
I have been so bored today at work and it makes the day go by really slow. My money issues are stressing me out constantly and I am a bit puzzled on what to do next. I need to pay off my credit card somehow, but the money I earn in my current job hardly pays for my everyday living, so I don't see myself paying off my creditcard anytime soon. I need to win the lottery!!! I have made some stupid choices in my life and one of them was taking my credit card to US with me... But I can't look back and feel pity for myself for the rest of my life - I just need to pay off that card and get rid of it, simple as that.
I have been thinking about my life and why I feel so anxious to move and change my life all the time. Eversince I broke up with my ex Ross about year and a half ago I have been in constant search for myself. I want some kind of stability but I don't know where to find it.
Ultimately I want a job where I can be with people - not earn millions but enough to pay my bills. I want a nice little flat with a living room, bedroom, bathroom for just myself. I don't want to share anymore.. ever!
I basically want the life I was living when I was in Finland...
So... that has made me wonder, do I want to live in UK anymore? I don't want to share, but I can't afford to live by myself. I don't want to work in an office but I can't afford to work in a cafe or a shop...
I think my next mission will be to convince Chris to leave UK with me to go live somewhere else (Finland maybe...) - or I have to look into living outside of London and if it is possible moneywise.
Ok, I think it's time for some lunch... Time... please go faster....
Peace out!
So goodbye to the morning streching in the bed - I was out of the bed, fully dressed 7:35 and ready to face the world. I am not quite sure how I managed it but I was at work already 8:10 - 10 minutes late but that was because I didn't make it to the bus stop in 1 minute from my house.
I have been so bored today at work and it makes the day go by really slow. My money issues are stressing me out constantly and I am a bit puzzled on what to do next. I need to pay off my credit card somehow, but the money I earn in my current job hardly pays for my everyday living, so I don't see myself paying off my creditcard anytime soon. I need to win the lottery!!! I have made some stupid choices in my life and one of them was taking my credit card to US with me... But I can't look back and feel pity for myself for the rest of my life - I just need to pay off that card and get rid of it, simple as that.
I have been thinking about my life and why I feel so anxious to move and change my life all the time. Eversince I broke up with my ex Ross about year and a half ago I have been in constant search for myself. I want some kind of stability but I don't know where to find it.
Ultimately I want a job where I can be with people - not earn millions but enough to pay my bills. I want a nice little flat with a living room, bedroom, bathroom for just myself. I don't want to share anymore.. ever!
I basically want the life I was living when I was in Finland...
So... that has made me wonder, do I want to live in UK anymore? I don't want to share, but I can't afford to live by myself. I don't want to work in an office but I can't afford to work in a cafe or a shop...
I think my next mission will be to convince Chris to leave UK with me to go live somewhere else (Finland maybe...) - or I have to look into living outside of London and if it is possible moneywise.
Ok, I think it's time for some lunch... Time... please go faster....
Peace out!
Monday, May 19, 2008
Oma Kulta!
LoL, I found this pic from my camera on the weekend - Chris had apparently taken it while he was at my place last time. I know he would kill me for posting it here, but luckily he doesn't have a computer in the army hahaha. But anyway... the ones who hasn't seen him yet, here is the person that makes my world spin :)10th of July!!! YAY!
Well it seems that the British summer is over. I had to get my jacket back from the stoarge today because it's so chilly outside. On Saturday I was still thinking that it will get warm and went to see Chris with just wearing my jeans and a shirt but not today... brrrrrr, it's cold.
Was great to see Chris again - I was getting really worried and annoyed last week because I didn't get any letters from him nor did he call me like he said he would. I was going to cancel my visit for Saturday because I didn't know wether he wanted me there or if he was even there, but decided against it because I had to at least find out why he hasn't been in touch. Well, as it turned out, on Saturday morning I had received a letter from him where he told me that he had gone a rank down which meant that he couldn't call me and when I saw him he told me they had a really busy week and that he has been writing to other people as well - so all is good. Well actually things are better than good, Chris told me the best news when I was visiting him - His case was reviewed and he will be getting out on 10th of July, which is only 52 days away!!! It made me a very happy girl!!
It's a very long process to go see him for 2 hours to a room full of people where you can only sit across the table from each others and hold hands. First I walk or take a bus to Stratford where I take a train to Colchester. Train taxes approximately an hour (sometimes less debending on how many stops it has) and from the Colchester train station I take a cab to their camp which takes another 15 minutes or so. But, even though we get to see each other for such a short time and not have any privacy what so ever, it is so worth it - it brings a big smile on my face for the whole week and I am sure it does the same to him.
We are planning to go to Finland in July when he gets out - would be SO nice to show him places where I used to hang out and introduce him to my family and friends. We were first planning to go to Spain since we wanted to spend some "summer" together, but since we will have some summer months together now after all we might just go to Finland... and I am really happy that Chris really wants to go there as well.
And not just that, I think summer is not summer unless I go to Finland at least for few days. Summer is so different there because people really wait for the summer months there. Many people have their holidays then and just chill and have a good time. In Finland during the summer the endless days roll into each other, and the Finns roll with it - There is enough time to sleep in the winter when it's dark and cold. It's impossible to explain in words what the summer there is like. Lake, sauna, cold cider, birches, sun, friends, holiday, green, new potatoes, recently cut grass... just a few of the things that comes to my mind when I think of summer and Finland.
Work has been pain in the ass lately - been taking care of the timesheets for the whole of our team and let me tell you, it can be a bit boring. People haven't been paid correctly for the past 4 months and they are not happy. It's not really my job to look after the payroll, but someone has to if they don't know how to do it... I am very seriously running out of money this month and it doesn't help that my sister hasn't paid the flight back to me yet and is saying that she might not be able to pay it until the end of the month.
I wanted to buy me an xbox or nintendo wii, but I think that has to wait for few months now since all the excess money I have will go to traveling to Colchester on the weekend to see my hunnybunny.
But that's enough for now - I leave you with this question though: Did you know that cats (and other animals) can snore? I just talked with my boss who told me about his cat that goes under the bed to sleep and snores like ****! I feel sorry for his wife because apparently my boss snores as well.
Was great to see Chris again - I was getting really worried and annoyed last week because I didn't get any letters from him nor did he call me like he said he would. I was going to cancel my visit for Saturday because I didn't know wether he wanted me there or if he was even there, but decided against it because I had to at least find out why he hasn't been in touch. Well, as it turned out, on Saturday morning I had received a letter from him where he told me that he had gone a rank down which meant that he couldn't call me and when I saw him he told me they had a really busy week and that he has been writing to other people as well - so all is good. Well actually things are better than good, Chris told me the best news when I was visiting him - His case was reviewed and he will be getting out on 10th of July, which is only 52 days away!!! It made me a very happy girl!!
It's a very long process to go see him for 2 hours to a room full of people where you can only sit across the table from each others and hold hands. First I walk or take a bus to Stratford where I take a train to Colchester. Train taxes approximately an hour (sometimes less debending on how many stops it has) and from the Colchester train station I take a cab to their camp which takes another 15 minutes or so. But, even though we get to see each other for such a short time and not have any privacy what so ever, it is so worth it - it brings a big smile on my face for the whole week and I am sure it does the same to him.
We are planning to go to Finland in July when he gets out - would be SO nice to show him places where I used to hang out and introduce him to my family and friends. We were first planning to go to Spain since we wanted to spend some "summer" together, but since we will have some summer months together now after all we might just go to Finland... and I am really happy that Chris really wants to go there as well.
And not just that, I think summer is not summer unless I go to Finland at least for few days. Summer is so different there because people really wait for the summer months there. Many people have their holidays then and just chill and have a good time. In Finland during the summer the endless days roll into each other, and the Finns roll with it - There is enough time to sleep in the winter when it's dark and cold. It's impossible to explain in words what the summer there is like. Lake, sauna, cold cider, birches, sun, friends, holiday, green, new potatoes, recently cut grass... just a few of the things that comes to my mind when I think of summer and Finland.
Work has been pain in the ass lately - been taking care of the timesheets for the whole of our team and let me tell you, it can be a bit boring. People haven't been paid correctly for the past 4 months and they are not happy. It's not really my job to look after the payroll, but someone has to if they don't know how to do it... I am very seriously running out of money this month and it doesn't help that my sister hasn't paid the flight back to me yet and is saying that she might not be able to pay it until the end of the month.
I wanted to buy me an xbox or nintendo wii, but I think that has to wait for few months now since all the excess money I have will go to traveling to Colchester on the weekend to see my hunnybunny.
But that's enough for now - I leave you with this question though: Did you know that cats (and other animals) can snore? I just talked with my boss who told me about his cat that goes under the bed to sleep and snores like ****! I feel sorry for his wife because apparently my boss snores as well.
Monday, May 12, 2008
Sex in the City
I haven't written for a while because I am writing letters to Chris every single day and that kinda strains my productivity.
Well, I just thought to put a picture here of the spot where I go always have my lunch ... and also a bit blurry picture of my stirfry lunch lol.
I am going to Leicester Square today to see if I can spot any starts from the new Sex in the City movie and after that MAYBE go see some ice hockey. I might go home though, not that interested in the hockey this year plus I can't spend any money (i mean ANY money) so I think it's a bad idea to go to a pub to watch anything with 0 budget.
Anyways, going to keep it short for now - oh one thing... I burned in the sun on sunday (sun - day... wow I never realized that...) and my face is all red... it's so odd that no one has said a thing about it though, maybe thsi is what Brittish people consider a tan, lol.
But now I am off, cya later!
Well, I just thought to put a picture here of the spot where I go always have my lunch ... and also a bit blurry picture of my stirfry lunch lol.
I am going to Leicester Square today to see if I can spot any starts from the new Sex in the City movie and after that MAYBE go see some ice hockey. I might go home though, not that interested in the hockey this year plus I can't spend any money (i mean ANY money) so I think it's a bad idea to go to a pub to watch anything with 0 budget.
Anyways, going to keep it short for now - oh one thing... I burned in the sun on sunday (sun - day... wow I never realized that...) and my face is all red... it's so odd that no one has said a thing about it though, maybe thsi is what Brittish people consider a tan, lol.
But now I am off, cya later!
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Sunny Sunday
Oh my, the weather has actually been really nice lately!!!
It's been +28C at the best and I have been enjoying the sun as much as I can (lunch breaks mainly).
Today (Sunday) I am planning to go to the park for a bit just to lay on the grass and daydream. I went to see Chris yesterday in Colchester. I was worried that it would be very strange, but it was actually very nice. The train ride there was painless, only took like 50 minutes. Taxi driver knew immediately where I was going to and even why (lol) and there were people waiting for me at the gate to advice me where to go and so on. And what made it better also was that there were other women as well seeing their husbands, boyfriends, sons...
Anyway, I almost burts into tears when I saw him because I had missed him so much... I hid it pretty well though, I think. He looked really great! The uniform does his justice and I could tell that he had been doing lots of training... I can't wait for him to get out now ;)
We had 2 hours to catch up and all this time we were allowed to hold hands. We were allowed to kiss and hug when we met and said good bye, but it was really hard to leave... I wanted to take him with me.
But all in all it was very good to see him, I think I will go see him as often as I can because it makes us both more motivated in getting through this. In this 3 weeks that I haven't seen him I have started to feel a bit different, like he doesn't even excist, but now that I saw him all the feelings I feel for him just rushed back again. Like.. we write to each other but I guess it's different to actually see and be able to touch each other. AAAAANYWAY, like I said he really looked very healthy and fit... and basically I wanted to rip his clothes off and yeah... lol
I hope the summer stays the way it has been for the past few days. Sun keeps my moods up a bit and I want to get tanned.
We are going to go to spain with Chris when he gets out. I probably have to pay for our trip since he is not earning anything while he is in the detention but I don't really mind, I like the idea of going for a weeks holiday with my baby. So yeah, my summer will have a short extension in October.
But, I am gonna go out now for a bit and see if I can find something fun to do. ADIOS and I shall write you more tomorrow.
It's been +28C at the best and I have been enjoying the sun as much as I can (lunch breaks mainly).
Today (Sunday) I am planning to go to the park for a bit just to lay on the grass and daydream. I went to see Chris yesterday in Colchester. I was worried that it would be very strange, but it was actually very nice. The train ride there was painless, only took like 50 minutes. Taxi driver knew immediately where I was going to and even why (lol) and there were people waiting for me at the gate to advice me where to go and so on. And what made it better also was that there were other women as well seeing their husbands, boyfriends, sons...
Anyway, I almost burts into tears when I saw him because I had missed him so much... I hid it pretty well though, I think. He looked really great! The uniform does his justice and I could tell that he had been doing lots of training... I can't wait for him to get out now ;)
We had 2 hours to catch up and all this time we were allowed to hold hands. We were allowed to kiss and hug when we met and said good bye, but it was really hard to leave... I wanted to take him with me.
But all in all it was very good to see him, I think I will go see him as often as I can because it makes us both more motivated in getting through this. In this 3 weeks that I haven't seen him I have started to feel a bit different, like he doesn't even excist, but now that I saw him all the feelings I feel for him just rushed back again. Like.. we write to each other but I guess it's different to actually see and be able to touch each other. AAAAANYWAY, like I said he really looked very healthy and fit... and basically I wanted to rip his clothes off and yeah... lol
I hope the summer stays the way it has been for the past few days. Sun keeps my moods up a bit and I want to get tanned.
We are going to go to spain with Chris when he gets out. I probably have to pay for our trip since he is not earning anything while he is in the detention but I don't really mind, I like the idea of going for a weeks holiday with my baby. So yeah, my summer will have a short extension in October.
But, I am gonna go out now for a bit and see if I can find something fun to do. ADIOS and I shall write you more tomorrow.
Wednesday, May 07, 2008
Pink Hair - I wantz it!!!
Plaah, what a lame post the last one was.. I am not an emo!!! lol I am just a product of LONDON!!! Man, I so need to get out of here!!! But I just have to manage through summer in here... in boring London where everyone just thinks about money and success.
When I got back here in January I had all these ideas of going to courses to learn stuff and meet lots of new people and all that good jazz but I had completely forgotten that even breathing the air here costs money ~(even if it is very polluted)
I wanted to take a spanish course (£250) - I wanted to join the gym (£100/month) - I wanted to go out with my friends here (at least £100/night) - I wanted to just have a life here (at least £1000/month).. I know I am going on about money, but London is ridiculously expensive and it's starting to make me so sick. I want my life back but I can't even save to move out from here lol.
I just wrote a letter to Chris where I asked if he wanted to skip the country with me for a year - just travel out of Europe for a while and get some perspective of how life and world really is about.
I know while I have been in London I have changed a lot and I don't really like what I have become here. I want to be able to dye my hair pink if I want to and wear clothes that make people like me (what I am now that is) think that it's sad... see the thing is LONDON HAS MADE ME BORING. I have to wear a suit every day to work - I can't show my shoulders or knees or toes... My hair has to look neat and I have to put make up so I look pretty when we meet clients.
I work 9 hours a day and take probably another 2 hours to travel to work and back so during the week I don't really have much time for myself at all. When weekend comes I don't want to do anything because probably still on saturday I am stressed about work.
I know.... if you don't like your life - CHANGE IT... but that doesn't apply if you live in London. Here if you don't like your life - TOUGH - you can't afford to change it unless you first work for 20 years and earn enough money to pay off your debts.
ARGH, I wasn't supposed to whine in thie post... it's SUNNY for once and I just spent an hour having lunch next to a fountain (and 200 suits sitting next to me) - it was very nice and I probably burned my skin a bit.
I'm not as miserable as I make it sound, well sort of am but I mean there are good things in my life as well.. I have isolated myself a bit from the world at the moment, but I will be back with flying colours (literally) and then I will say GOOD BYE LONDON for good because this very obviously is not the place for me... (only took like 3 years for me to figure that out...)
When I got back here in January I had all these ideas of going to courses to learn stuff and meet lots of new people and all that good jazz but I had completely forgotten that even breathing the air here costs money ~(even if it is very polluted)
I wanted to take a spanish course (£250) - I wanted to join the gym (£100/month) - I wanted to go out with my friends here (at least £100/night) - I wanted to just have a life here (at least £1000/month).. I know I am going on about money, but London is ridiculously expensive and it's starting to make me so sick. I want my life back but I can't even save to move out from here lol.
I just wrote a letter to Chris where I asked if he wanted to skip the country with me for a year - just travel out of Europe for a while and get some perspective of how life and world really is about.
I know while I have been in London I have changed a lot and I don't really like what I have become here. I want to be able to dye my hair pink if I want to and wear clothes that make people like me (what I am now that is) think that it's sad... see the thing is LONDON HAS MADE ME BORING. I have to wear a suit every day to work - I can't show my shoulders or knees or toes... My hair has to look neat and I have to put make up so I look pretty when we meet clients.
I work 9 hours a day and take probably another 2 hours to travel to work and back so during the week I don't really have much time for myself at all. When weekend comes I don't want to do anything because probably still on saturday I am stressed about work.
I know.... if you don't like your life - CHANGE IT... but that doesn't apply if you live in London. Here if you don't like your life - TOUGH - you can't afford to change it unless you first work for 20 years and earn enough money to pay off your debts.
ARGH, I wasn't supposed to whine in thie post... it's SUNNY for once and I just spent an hour having lunch next to a fountain (and 200 suits sitting next to me) - it was very nice and I probably burned my skin a bit.
I'm not as miserable as I make it sound, well sort of am but I mean there are good things in my life as well.. I have isolated myself a bit from the world at the moment, but I will be back with flying colours (literally) and then I will say GOOD BYE LONDON for good because this very obviously is not the place for me... (only took like 3 years for me to figure that out...)
And this pic is me and my sister out on last Friday... we were a bit drunk (as you might be able to tell...) - so sorry the pic is a bit blurry.Monday, May 05, 2008
I am very emo today...
My sister was here for the weekend and we had a good time. I saw her to the airport in the morning and when I got back to my empty flat it hit me again that I won't be with Chris for a very long time.
I'm getting a bit bitter sometimes when I see people holding hands and kissing because I am going to be missing all that fun for the next 5 and a half months. If I am completely honest I don't know how I will manage this whole summer, but I know I will... I know I will be here waiting for him to get out because I am incabable of cheating on him.
We were out on Friday and some guys were chatting to me and made it very clear that they wanted more than just chat with me. One of the guys was even ready to take my sister home with him as well as long as I went with him... Very strange (or desperate) but even though I was very drunk I was only thinking of Chris and how I will just have to wait until the end of summer to be part of any fun...
I have read the letters he has sent me probably 50 times - it's the nearest I have to communicating with him. They are my treasures and I carry them with me so I can read them when ever I want to... I know it probably sounds a bit sad but please let me know if you feel any better when you have a situation like this in your life.
Well, I know things could be a lot worse... he could be away for 6 years instead of 6 months, but I think I wouldn't wait for 6 years though. I just wish time would go faster ... but at the same time I feel that I'm wasting months of my life just waiting for the summer to pass... it's a weird spot to be on, very difficult to explain.
At the same time I am stressing out about money, about living in London, about being very lonely most of the time because my good friends are in Finland and the ones I have in London I see very rarely - because that's just how life is in London... AND all my friends are couples that usually want to spend time with each other... which again makes me sad, bitter, jealous... etc.
I feel that I am becoming a hermit in London sometimes... I feel that I have no one here that I can really talk to or cry about my sorrows.
I work with guys - I am the only woman in the whole team, which means that I am not making any new friends - so should I maybe change jobs?
I am very unhappy in London at the moment. I am paying too much rent and travel and everything... I don't have money to buy me happiness and all I seem to do now is go to work, do mindless work for 9 hours, go home and feel sorry for myself.
I think for the next few months I have to improve the quality of my life... I will look for something else, because I can't just spend the whole summer waiting for the time to pass...
Oh... I actually haven't told you why I am waiting for the summer to pass.. Well, of course I am waiting for Chris to get out of the army detention center but the main thing is that I will be moving out of London - we have been talking about it before a bit and I am certain that later on this year I will move out of here and Chris will help me find a flat and a job from somewhere else, maybe Cardiff.
London is very black and white city if you don't have lots for friends to share it with...
I moved here to be with a guy that I thought that I was going to marry, I really liked London back then and now... I feel that I am just trapped here.
I think once I move out, I will find my soul again and hopefully feel free from this stress and anxiety that London generates to my life...
but yeah, that's all for now... Emo Tanja signing off - hopefully will be a better tomorrow.
I'm getting a bit bitter sometimes when I see people holding hands and kissing because I am going to be missing all that fun for the next 5 and a half months. If I am completely honest I don't know how I will manage this whole summer, but I know I will... I know I will be here waiting for him to get out because I am incabable of cheating on him.
We were out on Friday and some guys were chatting to me and made it very clear that they wanted more than just chat with me. One of the guys was even ready to take my sister home with him as well as long as I went with him... Very strange (or desperate) but even though I was very drunk I was only thinking of Chris and how I will just have to wait until the end of summer to be part of any fun...
I have read the letters he has sent me probably 50 times - it's the nearest I have to communicating with him. They are my treasures and I carry them with me so I can read them when ever I want to... I know it probably sounds a bit sad but please let me know if you feel any better when you have a situation like this in your life.
Well, I know things could be a lot worse... he could be away for 6 years instead of 6 months, but I think I wouldn't wait for 6 years though. I just wish time would go faster ... but at the same time I feel that I'm wasting months of my life just waiting for the summer to pass... it's a weird spot to be on, very difficult to explain.
At the same time I am stressing out about money, about living in London, about being very lonely most of the time because my good friends are in Finland and the ones I have in London I see very rarely - because that's just how life is in London... AND all my friends are couples that usually want to spend time with each other... which again makes me sad, bitter, jealous... etc.
I feel that I am becoming a hermit in London sometimes... I feel that I have no one here that I can really talk to or cry about my sorrows.
I work with guys - I am the only woman in the whole team, which means that I am not making any new friends - so should I maybe change jobs?
I am very unhappy in London at the moment. I am paying too much rent and travel and everything... I don't have money to buy me happiness and all I seem to do now is go to work, do mindless work for 9 hours, go home and feel sorry for myself.
I think for the next few months I have to improve the quality of my life... I will look for something else, because I can't just spend the whole summer waiting for the time to pass...
Oh... I actually haven't told you why I am waiting for the summer to pass.. Well, of course I am waiting for Chris to get out of the army detention center but the main thing is that I will be moving out of London - we have been talking about it before a bit and I am certain that later on this year I will move out of here and Chris will help me find a flat and a job from somewhere else, maybe Cardiff.
London is very black and white city if you don't have lots for friends to share it with...
I moved here to be with a guy that I thought that I was going to marry, I really liked London back then and now... I feel that I am just trapped here.
I think once I move out, I will find my soul again and hopefully feel free from this stress and anxiety that London generates to my life...
but yeah, that's all for now... Emo Tanja signing off - hopefully will be a better tomorrow.
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Happiness
Ok, this day has been very strange - I have been very happy and miserable at the same time.
I was late today from work because I was arguing with my ex on the phone...
Basically... like I have told a bit before... he has all of the stuff I bought with my credit card when I was in USA. He has stuff worth about £2000 and he is basically saying that I can't have any of it.
Not only that he has lots of my personal stuff because the plan always was that I was suppose to go back there, but as things turned out and I learned that I couldn't trust him at all, I decided to stay in UK. He denies my right to any of the stuff he has and just ignores me until I ring him 100 times and force him to answer the phone. And even then he acts like I should beg for him to talk to me.. the only reason I play his game is because I want my stuff but I think I will never get anything from him.
He knows that me and Chris are a couple now and it has made him a bitter bitter little boy. The only thing he can tell me is how stupid I am to be going out with Chris. He calls me a moron and slow because I am such an idiot (well according to him..). He kept telling me how I am making the biggest mistake of my life that I just have to wait and see Chris screw me over again... Aren't those considerate words from a guy who is actually doing the screwing over part himself as we were speaking...
But I didn't let that little episode keep my spirits down for too long, I have accepted the fact that he is very immature and I can't reach him until he deals with his own issues with everything (too bad I am the one that is paying the bill, but I guess that's the price you pay for trusting people too much).
But yes... I got a letter from Chris yesterday and the silly monkey had spelled my name completely wrong.... now what kind of a boyfriend doesn't know how to spell his girlfriends name? lol.
The letter really made my day and I read it probably 10 times before I put it down. I already replied today because I want him to have something to read there, I know his friends probably take their time to write to him, but not me! I will write him as often as I can because I need to vent to someone how I feel about being alone for the whole summer.
It's funny... I am the happiest person alive eventhough my ex is being a bitch and my boyfriend is taken away from me for 6 months, I am alive!
I was late today from work because I was arguing with my ex on the phone...
Basically... like I have told a bit before... he has all of the stuff I bought with my credit card when I was in USA. He has stuff worth about £2000 and he is basically saying that I can't have any of it.
Not only that he has lots of my personal stuff because the plan always was that I was suppose to go back there, but as things turned out and I learned that I couldn't trust him at all, I decided to stay in UK. He denies my right to any of the stuff he has and just ignores me until I ring him 100 times and force him to answer the phone. And even then he acts like I should beg for him to talk to me.. the only reason I play his game is because I want my stuff but I think I will never get anything from him.
He knows that me and Chris are a couple now and it has made him a bitter bitter little boy. The only thing he can tell me is how stupid I am to be going out with Chris. He calls me a moron and slow because I am such an idiot (well according to him..). He kept telling me how I am making the biggest mistake of my life that I just have to wait and see Chris screw me over again... Aren't those considerate words from a guy who is actually doing the screwing over part himself as we were speaking...
But I didn't let that little episode keep my spirits down for too long, I have accepted the fact that he is very immature and I can't reach him until he deals with his own issues with everything (too bad I am the one that is paying the bill, but I guess that's the price you pay for trusting people too much).
But yes... I got a letter from Chris yesterday and the silly monkey had spelled my name completely wrong.... now what kind of a boyfriend doesn't know how to spell his girlfriends name? lol.
The letter really made my day and I read it probably 10 times before I put it down. I already replied today because I want him to have something to read there, I know his friends probably take their time to write to him, but not me! I will write him as often as I can because I need to vent to someone how I feel about being alone for the whole summer.
It's funny... I am the happiest person alive eventhough my ex is being a bitch and my boyfriend is taken away from me for 6 months, I am alive!
Monday, April 28, 2008
I miss Chris :(
Ok, so I haven't been writing for a while.. have had lots of things on my mind.
So Chris, my boyfriend, is in the army detention center for 6 months - the earliest he can get out is on the 1st of October.
I know that this summer will be the hottest ever and every single sunny day I am going curse this world because I won't be able to spend any of those days with the one person I really want to spend them with. He has been gone for a week now and I am litrally going nuts. For a month we were in constant contact with each other and if I didn't hear from him for few hours I started to worry that something was wrong... and now I have no contact to him what so ever.
I have been thinking about him a lot - I lay on my bed and try to think what he is doing at that very moment. At first I was signing on to msn and checking his blog thinking that I might find some news of him there, but of course I never found anything. I freak out sometimes and start to think if it all is too much for me to handle - after all we have been together for only a month.... well month now, we had the whole living together thing last summer that turned out ugly. But the thing is... already year ago I really liked him and thought that we would be really good together because we have all seen what happens if I end up with a traditional nice guy - it just doesn't work out because it's too ordinary, but army detention center... for 6 months... come on... give me a break!
Anyway, as you may imagine I haven't been too happy lately. I feel very bitter about life and often feel like just hiding in my bed and cry because I miss Chris so much. I have made an effort to go out and see people because it can make the time go by faster but at some point I always feel like I just have to leave (especially if I am with couples) because in a way I start to feel really jealous because they don't have people they really care for taken away from them for months and months. Even if they are not together they can call each other and tell them that they miss them and all that jazz. I know it is a very selfish way to think about things but at least I am admitting it - I feel sorry for myself for having to put up with this, it is really breaking my heart and I am sorry about it, ok? But there is nothing I can do about it, I don't like sitting at work with tears in my eyes, feeling anxious because I don't know if my boyfriend is even ok... but that's how the world spins around me at the moment and I just need to take it day by day.
I got a call from him on Saturday though... just a quick call but still it made my day. I almost started crying when I heard him on the phone... that much I had missed hearing from him...
He told me that he was doing fine and that he has been thinking about me a lot... it all felt like from a movie or a TV show... me talking to my man who is locked away... All I needed was a white dress and a wind machine blowing on my hair.
Anyway, it was good to hear that he missed me - that I am not the only one jumping on the walls... and I think he probably though the same.
Well... another thing he told me was that I can go see him on the weekends if I want to (and of course I want to and I will!!). It's a bit of a trek from London, but I will do it as often as I can because I really need to keep seeing him... I can only see him for 2 hours and we are not allowed to touch each other expect when we meet and say good bye, but I will take it - it is so worth it. I can't go see him yet next weekend because he has to have been there for a certain time plus my sister is here anyway.
Well..
That's all from me for now. I think I needed to get that out from my system so I can start writing about boring subjects like work or that strange warp guy who actually sat next to me in the bus this morning (I was secretly keeping an eye on him so he wouldn't kill me or anything...)
But... back to being bored at work now.
Friday, April 25, 2008
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
It's gonna be a lonely summer...
Ok so the verdict is out.... Chris got sentenced 8 months ... which I think is a lot. He apparently won't do more than 6 but still... I was hoping for 6 months and doing 4. Well, I am quite hopeful still though because he is a good guy and gets along with different kinds of people so maybe he will get out a bit sooner for being a nice inmate.
But but but... I am still really sad.
I went for lunch today after hearing the news and realized that I won't even talk to him for a long long time... it made me really sad. I just walked around feeling really empty and out of thoughts. I got a call from him a bit after my lunch... only a quick one, he sounded quite ok, but he is such an actor so I think he might be going through a lot at the moment... poor thing :(
Made me feel really special that he used his one call to call me...
But.... I don't really feel like writing anything at the moment - I will tell you more some other time.
But but but... I am still really sad.
I went for lunch today after hearing the news and realized that I won't even talk to him for a long long time... it made me really sad. I just walked around feeling really empty and out of thoughts. I got a call from him a bit after my lunch... only a quick one, he sounded quite ok, but he is such an actor so I think he might be going through a lot at the moment... poor thing :(
Made me feel really special that he used his one call to call me...
But.... I don't really feel like writing anything at the moment - I will tell you more some other time.
Monday, April 21, 2008
Week ending 25th of April...
Monday bloody monday...
I was 20 minutes late for work today. I was laying on my bed and staring at the TV screen for at least half an hour. I don't really know what they were talking about but TV is like a flame to me, I just stare it and I stop functioning... It doesn't matter which program is on I can stare at anything - "watch" would be actually paying attention, I just stare... I guess it is because I haven't had a TV for a while.
Ok so weekend is over. I left work on Thursday early because Chris had come over to spend the weekend with me. The silly boy had gotten drunk on wednesday evening and somehow ended up in London at 10am on Thursday morning. He apparently missed me so much (aw how sweet) and all he had with him was... uhm... nothing really... I even had to lend him a shirt and clean socks because he had none with him (I offered underwear as well but he wasn't to keen on the idea of wearing girls pants...).
So on Friday I got the devils invention from the post (i.e. TV) - it looks really nice. It's 20" Samsung HD LCD TV. We hooked it up with everything and well end up getting a bit frustrated because the tiny indoor aerial I had didn't really pick up any signals even though it was "made for freeview". Ended up taking it back to Argos on the same day and bought a new one (along with other stuff and a trip to IKEA). Can watch TV now!!!
Well, all in all we had a great weekend that had its ups and downs. I can't wait for everything to be normal and be able to do normal stuff that ordinary couples do (Like go to movies or to a restaurant to have a dinner). I am a bit tired of being the person who pulls the strings on what to do for the simple fact that I am the one who has a bit of money. I know everything will be so much better in the future, I just need to be patient.
But anyway... on Saturday night we went to see stand up comedy in Islington. The show was ok I guess, 2 female comedians... wtf is up with that? They were ok but not mind blowingly funny like some I have seen. After that we stayed there for a few drinks and Chris started talking to this couple that really started to piss me off after about 30 minutes of sitting at the table and being completely ignored. They were mainly talking about army and stuff that I had no idea of. I hardly could hear anyone and as a foreigner (even though my english is pretty good) hearing people is quite essential to being able to be part of a conversation. Usually people have the common courtesy to include everyone to a conversation, especially if someone is very apparently out of it, but this was not the case at all this time. I concentrated on drinking my vodka orange juice and getting annoyed. I actually didn't think of it until Chris mentioned it, but the stupid whore (excuse my french) was hitting on Chris right under my eyes and her boyfriend's as well. I noticed at one point that she had pulled her hair down all sexy like - I naturally thought it was for her boyfriend. But now that I think about it, she did come sit very close to Chris and just talked to him like there was no one else in the bar. Apparently she had put her hand on Chris' knee as well... lucky for her I didn't see it because no one messes with my man! At one point I got enough of it and said that it was time for us to go - we had a bit of an episode on our way to the tube stop but all was well in the end. We ended up going to a local pub in Stratford which really made my heart melt. There was a Karaoke night and no one looked like the posh people we saw in the center earlier. I loved it and I will definately be going back there sometime.
Sunday came and Chris had to leave back to the earthy colours of the British military. After buying the emergency morning after pills ( ;x lol) from the Boots (expensive shit btw... might want to keep using the alternative method...) we said goodbyes at Stratford station. I hate goodbyes so much because I would cry even if I was saying bye to a person I don't even care about (let alone someone I do really care about!). Well, I have become pretty good with that though... it's like... when guys think of ham sandwiches during sex ( :P ) I think of something similar when saying goodbyes so I don't cry.
Oh why we said goodbye? Well, Chris will be gone for a looooong time (at least in my standards) and I won't be even able to call him in the evening to say good night.
Anyway, I need to go find a bank now (lol, I am at Canary Wharf in London that basically has nothing but banks....) I shall write something more maybe tomorrow.
*hugs*
I was 20 minutes late for work today. I was laying on my bed and staring at the TV screen for at least half an hour. I don't really know what they were talking about but TV is like a flame to me, I just stare it and I stop functioning... It doesn't matter which program is on I can stare at anything - "watch" would be actually paying attention, I just stare... I guess it is because I haven't had a TV for a while.
Ok so weekend is over. I left work on Thursday early because Chris had come over to spend the weekend with me. The silly boy had gotten drunk on wednesday evening and somehow ended up in London at 10am on Thursday morning. He apparently missed me so much (aw how sweet) and all he had with him was... uhm... nothing really... I even had to lend him a shirt and clean socks because he had none with him (I offered underwear as well but he wasn't to keen on the idea of wearing girls pants...).
So on Friday I got the devils invention from the post (i.e. TV) - it looks really nice. It's 20" Samsung HD LCD TV. We hooked it up with everything and well end up getting a bit frustrated because the tiny indoor aerial I had didn't really pick up any signals even though it was "made for freeview". Ended up taking it back to Argos on the same day and bought a new one (along with other stuff and a trip to IKEA). Can watch TV now!!!
Well, all in all we had a great weekend that had its ups and downs. I can't wait for everything to be normal and be able to do normal stuff that ordinary couples do (Like go to movies or to a restaurant to have a dinner). I am a bit tired of being the person who pulls the strings on what to do for the simple fact that I am the one who has a bit of money. I know everything will be so much better in the future, I just need to be patient.
But anyway... on Saturday night we went to see stand up comedy in Islington. The show was ok I guess, 2 female comedians... wtf is up with that? They were ok but not mind blowingly funny like some I have seen. After that we stayed there for a few drinks and Chris started talking to this couple that really started to piss me off after about 30 minutes of sitting at the table and being completely ignored. They were mainly talking about army and stuff that I had no idea of. I hardly could hear anyone and as a foreigner (even though my english is pretty good) hearing people is quite essential to being able to be part of a conversation. Usually people have the common courtesy to include everyone to a conversation, especially if someone is very apparently out of it, but this was not the case at all this time. I concentrated on drinking my vodka orange juice and getting annoyed. I actually didn't think of it until Chris mentioned it, but the stupid whore (excuse my french) was hitting on Chris right under my eyes and her boyfriend's as well. I noticed at one point that she had pulled her hair down all sexy like - I naturally thought it was for her boyfriend. But now that I think about it, she did come sit very close to Chris and just talked to him like there was no one else in the bar. Apparently she had put her hand on Chris' knee as well... lucky for her I didn't see it because no one messes with my man! At one point I got enough of it and said that it was time for us to go - we had a bit of an episode on our way to the tube stop but all was well in the end. We ended up going to a local pub in Stratford which really made my heart melt. There was a Karaoke night and no one looked like the posh people we saw in the center earlier. I loved it and I will definately be going back there sometime.
Sunday came and Chris had to leave back to the earthy colours of the British military. After buying the emergency morning after pills ( ;x lol) from the Boots (expensive shit btw... might want to keep using the alternative method...) we said goodbyes at Stratford station. I hate goodbyes so much because I would cry even if I was saying bye to a person I don't even care about (let alone someone I do really care about!). Well, I have become pretty good with that though... it's like... when guys think of ham sandwiches during sex ( :P ) I think of something similar when saying goodbyes so I don't cry.
Oh why we said goodbye? Well, Chris will be gone for a looooong time (at least in my standards) and I won't be even able to call him in the evening to say good night.
Anyway, I need to go find a bank now (lol, I am at Canary Wharf in London that basically has nothing but banks....) I shall write something more maybe tomorrow.
*hugs*
Thursday, April 17, 2008
The trueth is out there
Something very strange happened to me today - I saw a man disappear infront of me to thin air... I know that sounds like from some lame sci-fi movie but I am not kidding!! I was coming to work with a bus today and when I was getting off a guy in his early 20s basically pushed me out of the way and started to run away from the bus stop and 2 seconds later he had disappeared. I was looking at him because I couldn't get my head around where he was running to because there were no other bus or train stops anywhere near. After he disappeared I stayed a while just trying to see where he had gone but there was no doors, or hallways he could have gone, plus he would have had to move faster than light to do so because I was looking at him all this time. I'm telling you, I saw him disappear infront of my eyes and I am still really puzzled by it...
So if you don't hear from me for a while I have been killed by some weird future timewarp people who doesn't want people to know about them... lol.
Anyway, just wanted to share that here because I think I am going crazy...
So if you don't hear from me for a while I have been killed by some weird future timewarp people who doesn't want people to know about them... lol.
Anyway, just wanted to share that here because I think I am going crazy...
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Please give me some work to do....
So I have been watching Desperate Housewifes the majority of the time at work today... Not much to do at all.. Time is going by soooo slow.
When time goes by this slow I start to get very unproductive as well. When a job comes in I feel like not doing it anymore - I am stuck in my boredom. I don't feel like writing, I don't feel like surfing on the net... I just want to let my brains sleep.
I went to work 2.5 hours late this morning but it was my own choice. I felt ill last night after I had some white wine and I am really starting to think that I am not supposed to drink that stuff anymore - it always seem to give me a headache and make me feel ill now, I used to quite like it before... But anyway, I woke up this morning and felt like I had the weight of the world poured on me during the night. My head hurted and my stomache was in knots. So I sent a message to my boss that I was going to be a little late. I made me some breakfast and had a cup of tea and voila, I was feeling a lot better. It was really sunny outside so I washed my sheets and left them drying out in our garden for the day - hopefully it won't rain before I get home. But yeah - I liked having a long morning... It makes days a lot better, but no way I will wake up every morning at 5 just to have a long relaxing morning.. forget that- I like sleeping more than long mornings... well.... that is if I am alone... in a company it's different story... hmm... *daydreaming*.....
Anyways... I am going to skip home soon - oh one more thing.. I found 2 girls today from the IT team (w00t) and we are going to have lunch tomorrow - how exciting!! I am not the only one here!!!
When time goes by this slow I start to get very unproductive as well. When a job comes in I feel like not doing it anymore - I am stuck in my boredom. I don't feel like writing, I don't feel like surfing on the net... I just want to let my brains sleep.
I went to work 2.5 hours late this morning but it was my own choice. I felt ill last night after I had some white wine and I am really starting to think that I am not supposed to drink that stuff anymore - it always seem to give me a headache and make me feel ill now, I used to quite like it before... But anyway, I woke up this morning and felt like I had the weight of the world poured on me during the night. My head hurted and my stomache was in knots. So I sent a message to my boss that I was going to be a little late. I made me some breakfast and had a cup of tea and voila, I was feeling a lot better. It was really sunny outside so I washed my sheets and left them drying out in our garden for the day - hopefully it won't rain before I get home. But yeah - I liked having a long morning... It makes days a lot better, but no way I will wake up every morning at 5 just to have a long relaxing morning.. forget that- I like sleeping more than long mornings... well.... that is if I am alone... in a company it's different story... hmm... *daydreaming*.....
Anyways... I am going to skip home soon - oh one more thing.. I found 2 girls today from the IT team (w00t) and we are going to have lunch tomorrow - how exciting!! I am not the only one here!!!
Monday, April 14, 2008
doghnuts!
Ew, I ate 2 doghnuts today!!!!
My work mate Georgi has a birthday today so he brough a HUGE box of Krispy Creme Doghnuts to the office... ewwwwwwww, bad idea... I can't resist the power of doghnuts!!!!! Now I feel bloated and yack! But oh how good those doghnuts were...... mmm... doghnuts....
My work mate Georgi has a birthday today so he brough a HUGE box of Krispy Creme Doghnuts to the office... ewwwwwwww, bad idea... I can't resist the power of doghnuts!!!!! Now I feel bloated and yack! But oh how good those doghnuts were...... mmm... doghnuts....
Random Ramblings
Oh man... I feel like I have been spending so much money lately.
I bought me that TV finally... I'm having it delievered on Friday. I paid my sisters flights here, I bought me travel card yesterday and went shopping in IKEA... Well, the thing is... I haven't really spent that much... my sister will pay me back the flight when she gets here and I only spend £20 in IKEA yesterday (I know, how weird is that!!). TV was quite expensive (£200) but the thing is.... I have money on my account but the past set backs have really made me scared of spending money. I never want to be in that situation again when I don't have money to buy food or not know where I am going to spend the folowing night. I think I was traumatised a bit to be honest... I have started to feel quilty of every single penny I spend even though I have enough money to go crazy with shopping.. well I guess there's nothing wrong with feeling frugal (yes, I learned that word today!! lol) but it's not like me at all!
Anyways... I can't wait on Thursday!!! My babyyyyy is coming to spend the weekend with me and then I won't see him for God knows how long :( I am a bit sad of the fact that he will be gone for months(how long? I don't know yet..) but I am trying not to think like that - when he comes back it will be the best feeling ever!
It's really strange how I am starting to be absolutely crazy about him lol - maybe it's a good idea that he goes away for a while so I can cool down haha.
But yeah, he is coming to London for a long weekend (and hopefully sort out my new TV for me hehe) - we are going to have some fun, I always enjoy hanging out with him, we have been having insanely long conversations on the phone (for me that's something else because I don't usually talk on the phone that much) and I just feel really natural about everything we do and talk about. I know, i know... you are thinking that "isn't that how it is supposed to be?" but look at the colour of this website!!!! It's PINK! so screw you and let me be happy :)
So I have only 4 days of work this week YAY! then next week is normal (ish) week and then week after that MY SISTER IS COMING HERE!!! I am so excited about that, we will have so much fun!
I have to start doing stuff on weekends though - I dunno what though... I had no plans last weekend, was just sitting home bored... It was KILLING ME! I did clean up my room, cooked, did laundry, went shopping, watched random shows on my laptop, played ffxi and just chilled out but oh my god was it boring!? YES it was!! and I never want to do that again... If I have no plans for the weekend I will go annoy my coupled friends or something even if they don't want me to :P
But...I think I will go hunt some food from the restaurant now. This is the last day I am eating stuff from the restaurant for a while. I need to start cutting down my spending on stuff here... I can easily spend £7 a day on food in the restaurants here. It's not that much considering it is very good quality food... I will at least stop having breakfast here because I always end up having sausages and other unhealthy stuff... and they don't have rye bread there either. But yeah - from now on I will start to watch a bit what I put in my mouth, my eating habits have gone worse since I started working here and I don't want to gain any weight!
Anyway... I am off to get some food *tummy rumbles* - see you laterrrrrrrr!
I bought me that TV finally... I'm having it delievered on Friday. I paid my sisters flights here, I bought me travel card yesterday and went shopping in IKEA... Well, the thing is... I haven't really spent that much... my sister will pay me back the flight when she gets here and I only spend £20 in IKEA yesterday (I know, how weird is that!!). TV was quite expensive (£200) but the thing is.... I have money on my account but the past set backs have really made me scared of spending money. I never want to be in that situation again when I don't have money to buy food or not know where I am going to spend the folowing night. I think I was traumatised a bit to be honest... I have started to feel quilty of every single penny I spend even though I have enough money to go crazy with shopping.. well I guess there's nothing wrong with feeling frugal (yes, I learned that word today!! lol) but it's not like me at all!
Anyways... I can't wait on Thursday!!! My babyyyyy is coming to spend the weekend with me and then I won't see him for God knows how long :( I am a bit sad of the fact that he will be gone for months(how long? I don't know yet..) but I am trying not to think like that - when he comes back it will be the best feeling ever!
It's really strange how I am starting to be absolutely crazy about him lol - maybe it's a good idea that he goes away for a while so I can cool down haha.
But yeah, he is coming to London for a long weekend (and hopefully sort out my new TV for me hehe) - we are going to have some fun, I always enjoy hanging out with him, we have been having insanely long conversations on the phone (for me that's something else because I don't usually talk on the phone that much) and I just feel really natural about everything we do and talk about. I know, i know... you are thinking that "isn't that how it is supposed to be?" but look at the colour of this website!!!! It's PINK! so screw you and let me be happy :)
So I have only 4 days of work this week YAY! then next week is normal (ish) week and then week after that MY SISTER IS COMING HERE!!! I am so excited about that, we will have so much fun!
I have to start doing stuff on weekends though - I dunno what though... I had no plans last weekend, was just sitting home bored... It was KILLING ME! I did clean up my room, cooked, did laundry, went shopping, watched random shows on my laptop, played ffxi and just chilled out but oh my god was it boring!? YES it was!! and I never want to do that again... If I have no plans for the weekend I will go annoy my coupled friends or something even if they don't want me to :P
But...I think I will go hunt some food from the restaurant now. This is the last day I am eating stuff from the restaurant for a while. I need to start cutting down my spending on stuff here... I can easily spend £7 a day on food in the restaurants here. It's not that much considering it is very good quality food... I will at least stop having breakfast here because I always end up having sausages and other unhealthy stuff... and they don't have rye bread there either. But yeah - from now on I will start to watch a bit what I put in my mouth, my eating habits have gone worse since I started working here and I don't want to gain any weight!
Anyway... I am off to get some food *tummy rumbles* - see you laterrrrrrrr!
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