Monday.. grr... And not just any ordinary monday but monday after the weekend when the summer time started. Couldn't go to bed until midnight (well I think it was 1) and yet had to still get up at 6.30. My eyes are so heavy - usually at this time (9.30) I am feeling fine already but it seems to be getting worse. Been drinking tea and water to wake me up but no... I could fall asleep immediately if I went to lay down somewhere.
Good thing about today though is that I got finally paid. After 2 and a half months working in this building I finally got paid - Thank God for that. I wasn't struggling anymore thanks to loans but it's nice to actually have that number on my bank statement - makes me feel a bit more secure.
I am so tired... lol.... that seems to be the only thought in my head at the moment... I am sooo tired zZzZzZz....
(That's a pic of the office I work in - it's quite boring but the people are great and work is rather easy)
Well anyway... what should I write about today... hmm... well, I think I should touch a bit of a subject that has been bothering me quite a bit lately and is preventing me from living my life as freely as I would like to.
Naturally it involves another person - how would it be interesting if it didn't?
This guy that I was with for a while and spent time in US with owes me a big chunk of money - mainly from promising he would pay for certain things that I paid with my credit card and also purchasing the stuff that I bought while I was in US. I have a nifty LCD TV, home theatre system, furniture and other rather nice stuff there that he is using and now has no intention to pay me for. I have already told him that he doesn't have to pay me any of the money he owes me (which in my opinion is quite generous) that I would be fine if he just sent me my stuff - but it seems to be too much to ask from him. It bothers me a lot because I consider myself a very nice person and I have never done anything bad to him (well except leave him because it wasn't working out between us). I would just like this whole thing to be behind me and be able to move on with my life but he is blackmailing me with everything he owes me. He is obsessed with me and is not just keeping my stuff but also interfering with absolutely everything I do in my life. Before I changed all my passwords he logged to all my accounts and read through all my emails and talked with people asking things about me. He logged on my msn and read through my conversations - checked my Paypal for all I have bought and basically made sure I had no privacy what so ever.
Ok, so he found out some stuff about me and what I had done (which had no concern to him what so ever because it was basically just stuff I had done for myself, not going to go into it because it is not important) and he asked if I had done it and naturally I denied it because it was quite personal. I kept denying because I didn't want anyone to know about some personal decisions I had done and eventually it went that far that he ended up sending me emails that he had copied from my own email inbox and sending me receipts of what I had been buying with my credit card. So at that point I had no choice but to admit it but I felt really violated. NOW everything I say to him is a lie (according to him that is...) he keeps coming back to referring to me lying to him about that and basically now it feels like I owe my life to him. He keeps calling me a bitch if I don't do everything he asks me of and is acting like I have murdered his pet dog. It hurts me and I think he knows that is doing it for that reason. This is a person who once said that all he ever wants is for me to be happy and now he is doing everything he can to make me miserable.
I don't know what to do with this situation to be honest. Part of me wants to add him to my blacklist and just ignore his existence in this world, but that would mean me losing a lot of money. I have a huge credit card bill to pay for the stuff that he has and it is making me bitter. If it was money already spent it would be fine - but I am paying it with the money I earn right now. ... But then again a part of me believes that no matter how much I struggle I will never get anything from him - I never have even though he made so many promises to me.
It makes me sad because I thought he was my friend but I have never seen anyone hate anyone like he hates me....
Meh, why did I have to write about that - that just brought my moods down..... Something nice to cheer me up... hmmm... well... I had a nice weekend. Let me write it down so I can see how it looks like on writing:
I have a boyfriend!
After few months of being single I have a boyfriend and I think I will really try to take this seriously (well I always do but then something goes wrong..) - I am not sure if it is the best idea for me to start seeing someone already when all the wounds are still open from everything that happened a little while ago but why should I be worrying about things that happened before when there is so many good stuff going to happen in the future..?
Maybe I really should just forget about the stuff I wrote above and wipe it all clean. Everything in my life is great if it wasn't for that big black hole that is sucking a lot from my energy. I am very happy ... I am actually very happy. (and tired ZzzzZZZzzz)
Good thing about today though is that I got finally paid. After 2 and a half months working in this building I finally got paid - Thank God for that. I wasn't struggling anymore thanks to loans but it's nice to actually have that number on my bank statement - makes me feel a bit more secure.
I am so tired... lol.... that seems to be the only thought in my head at the moment... I am sooo tired zZzZzZz....
(That's a pic of the office I work in - it's quite boring but the people are great and work is rather easy)Well anyway... what should I write about today... hmm... well, I think I should touch a bit of a subject that has been bothering me quite a bit lately and is preventing me from living my life as freely as I would like to.
Naturally it involves another person - how would it be interesting if it didn't?
This guy that I was with for a while and spent time in US with owes me a big chunk of money - mainly from promising he would pay for certain things that I paid with my credit card and also purchasing the stuff that I bought while I was in US. I have a nifty LCD TV, home theatre system, furniture and other rather nice stuff there that he is using and now has no intention to pay me for. I have already told him that he doesn't have to pay me any of the money he owes me (which in my opinion is quite generous) that I would be fine if he just sent me my stuff - but it seems to be too much to ask from him. It bothers me a lot because I consider myself a very nice person and I have never done anything bad to him (well except leave him because it wasn't working out between us). I would just like this whole thing to be behind me and be able to move on with my life but he is blackmailing me with everything he owes me. He is obsessed with me and is not just keeping my stuff but also interfering with absolutely everything I do in my life. Before I changed all my passwords he logged to all my accounts and read through all my emails and talked with people asking things about me. He logged on my msn and read through my conversations - checked my Paypal for all I have bought and basically made sure I had no privacy what so ever.
Ok, so he found out some stuff about me and what I had done (which had no concern to him what so ever because it was basically just stuff I had done for myself, not going to go into it because it is not important) and he asked if I had done it and naturally I denied it because it was quite personal. I kept denying because I didn't want anyone to know about some personal decisions I had done and eventually it went that far that he ended up sending me emails that he had copied from my own email inbox and sending me receipts of what I had been buying with my credit card. So at that point I had no choice but to admit it but I felt really violated. NOW everything I say to him is a lie (according to him that is...) he keeps coming back to referring to me lying to him about that and basically now it feels like I owe my life to him. He keeps calling me a bitch if I don't do everything he asks me of and is acting like I have murdered his pet dog. It hurts me and I think he knows that is doing it for that reason. This is a person who once said that all he ever wants is for me to be happy and now he is doing everything he can to make me miserable.
I don't know what to do with this situation to be honest. Part of me wants to add him to my blacklist and just ignore his existence in this world, but that would mean me losing a lot of money. I have a huge credit card bill to pay for the stuff that he has and it is making me bitter. If it was money already spent it would be fine - but I am paying it with the money I earn right now. ... But then again a part of me believes that no matter how much I struggle I will never get anything from him - I never have even though he made so many promises to me.
It makes me sad because I thought he was my friend but I have never seen anyone hate anyone like he hates me....
Meh, why did I have to write about that - that just brought my moods down..... Something nice to cheer me up... hmmm... well... I had a nice weekend. Let me write it down so I can see how it looks like on writing:
I have a boyfriend!
After few months of being single I have a boyfriend and I think I will really try to take this seriously (well I always do but then something goes wrong..) - I am not sure if it is the best idea for me to start seeing someone already when all the wounds are still open from everything that happened a little while ago but why should I be worrying about things that happened before when there is so many good stuff going to happen in the future..?
Maybe I really should just forget about the stuff I wrote above and wipe it all clean. Everything in my life is great if it wasn't for that big black hole that is sucking a lot from my energy. I am very happy ... I am actually very happy. (and tired ZzzzZZZzzz)
(I'm gonna get murdered for posting this pic I think but just thought to put it here, lol we were a bit drunk I think...)
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